I think I'm realizing how alone i am. I never know anyone or what they're doing talking to me; I never know what they'er capable of or how capable they are of changing. I can't communicate with anyone because it usually means having to constrict my already constricted social world, because I don't know if they'll understand or simply shake me off. It's fucking annying because I feel like I'm forced to be in constant contact with people I don't trust who don't want anything to do with me, and honestly, I don't want anything to do with them either. I had all this value on sharing but it was fucking bullshit, share one thing doesn't mean you will continue the relationship of sharing. I know you can never fully know someone but I feel like I have to put a guard up always and recognize the impermanence. I have lifestyle that suits independence, but I didn't realize I was aching for something until I fell for some words, but once again, just a moment. And I always, always, always regret dedication.