My Problem

I don't mind putting the needs of others above my own desires, but I've been doing some self reflecting. I believe one of my biggest problems in life has been putting the desires of others above my own needs.

7 Comments

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Armchair

Oct 29, 2019 at 8:49pm

When your parents don't raise you to be self confident, and you consistently get the feeling that your desires aren't important, you end up like this. The problem is, you DO have desires, you're just not expressing them. Usually it leads to you holding resentments and acting out passive aggressively. I'm no psychologist, but the more you can become aware of it, the more you can work on it.

48 Minutes

Oct 30, 2019 at 2:26am

I think the producers need better material

Well said OP and Armchair

Oct 30, 2019 at 8:09am

I have struggled with putting others’ desires over my own needs as well. For me I think this stemmed from low self esteem and working service jobs for a good chunk of my young life (where you are encouraged to “leave your troubles at the door” to provide “service with a smile.”) Totally agree with Armchair that this has been a recipe for passive aggression and implosion.

While temporary validation from others can feel good, I’ve found that people can peg you as a “helper” and eventually take for granted that you will always be available to pander to their wishes. I admit that I’ve slotted important people in my life into this role, and it has also been done to me.

The true test of friendship comes when you start setting healthy boundaries and see who sticks around. And honestly, it feels incredibly good to make your needs a priority, as it relocates the validation source from external to internal, thus building self worth.

14 6Rating: +8

Airplane Safety

Oct 30, 2019 at 11:45am

I used to have the same issue. Then a friend whom I admired for her confidence and amazing way she communicated boundaries told me that she approaches interacting with people in need like an Airplane Safety tutorial. When the oxygen masks come down, Airplane Safety says to put your mask on first THEN help the people around you. Same thing in life. Make sure that you can meet your needs first before you meet the needs of others. If others try to tell you that your needs aren't as important as theirs, or try to guilt you into acting when you've already expressed a boundary, they're trying to manipulate you and take advantage of you and, consequently, don't get your help at all. Boundary-ignorers must have consequences because, without them, they'll turn you into a doormat. You are a person. Your needs deserve to be met. Period! :)

19 9Rating: +10

Just

Oct 31, 2019 at 12:47am

Stop worry about other people co much and take care of yourself.

9 18Rating: -9

Your needs matter

Oct 31, 2019 at 1:56am

Never forget about you.
People will try to say you dont matter, but you do.
You are a good person and you try hard, everyday to make changes, even with invisible forces working against you.
You never give up.
You day is coming.
Happiness will be yours again.
Against all Odds.
Phill Collins Song Amazing:)

Anonymous

Nov 1, 2019 at 12:57pm

communicating ur desires is a part of what people want, its hard to read minds. ur needs are equal, but u need to watch over urself firstly

14 8Rating: +6

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