FWB

I don't have a great history with sex. Guys I've been with, I was basically a utilitarian piece. They were okay both sexually and in general. Last month I decided after a 2 year hiatus post horrific relationship and break-up, I'd give in to online "dating" and met a guy. Sex was amazing, he is gorgeous, and super sweet during, before and after sex. But now I'm getting feelings because of the niceness. The great sex is a super bonus, and I love our little chats. However, not knowing much about FWB dynamics, I assume he doesn't feel the same. Texts are just set ups for sexy times. But the sweetness when we are together gets me every time. I need this in my life constantly. Hopeless romantic.

13 Comments

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beware

Nov 16, 2019 at 9:36pm

a hook up is a hook up.
he is most definitely doing this with
others as well as you.
keep your emotions in check sister.
online dating is not soul mating.

21 4Rating: +17

Doubtful

Nov 16, 2019 at 10:03pm

Guys and sweetness is a oxymoron. He's hiding something.

8 24Rating: -16

Meh

Nov 16, 2019 at 11:35pm

Different plumbing, same story.
Everybody here wants an instrumental relationship. A means to their end (heh, punny), or ends. Nobody wants depth, loyalty and emotional investment.
After many, many years of frustration and suffering, I wound up offshoring. Worked brilliantly.
Should have done it sooner. But then I wouldn't have my current SO. Got lucky.
Enjoy the ride.
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - Mahatma Gandhi

6 13Rating: -7

Anonymous

Nov 17, 2019 at 12:41am

This is easy. You're giving away something that once upon a time was considered precious.

Then, after you've given it away you seek that which women used to be able to get, that is, love and compassion etc. All sadly redundant since feminism took over.

So...

Nov 17, 2019 at 6:13am

... if he is the sort of guy you picked to hook up with online, and here is what you say:

"Sex was amazing, he is gorgeous, and super sweet during, before and after sex"

So, if he's the sort of guy who hooks up with women on the Internet, the research suggests this means he is in the top 10-20% of male specimens.

It's also fascinating that you're unable to tell that you're attracted to him because he is handsome, that is also why you enjoy the sex, it's not that handsome men are "more skilled," it's that women literally find unattractive men disgusting. And this isn't right or wrong, but recognize that if you really valued kindness, sweetness, there are plenty of nice sweet guys out there who would actually want to be with you.

I mean, maybe this guy does, but if he can hook up with a woman every night of the week from Tinder, why would he bother?

So, enjoy, but, recognize he's not sweet, you're just getting tingles. If you really want to know if he's interested in a relationship, just ask if he wants to go to Church with you...that's where people go to get married and have long-term relationships.

Oh...you're not religious...so why do you want to get married, to trap the poor boy?

3 10Rating: -7

not online

Nov 17, 2019 at 9:18am

I hear it's easy to get laid with the push of a button.

I'm kicking myself for staying true to natural meetings with women because they simply do not happen to me anymore in Vancouver and i want to move away.

I used to love getting off work rush home, nap, eat clean up and hit the sidewalk so I could be the guy. Usually had a few other guys to manuever around for your attention.

Now i have to wait in line because you have 900 guys in three block radius that do nothing but put a picture on a website and say whats up. Lets smash.

Oddly women seem to really like this because i never see women make eye contact in public anymore instead heads burried in little black mirrors with perplexed and sad faces rushing around with no direction.

What happened to people. Doesn't anyone want to bond over real emotions made in real time. ?

14 5Rating: +9

@meh

Nov 17, 2019 at 9:26am

What is offshoring? Legit question

5 2Rating: +3

Anonymous

Nov 17, 2019 at 12:37pm

You've gotta get out now, girl. Before it gets worse. If I were in your position I'd be honest, and admit that you would love to go on an actual date with him, but that if he doesn't feel the same way you're sad to say the arrangement is no longer right for you. FWB is a dangerous game that VERY rarely ends with anything other than disappointment.

15 4Rating: +11

@annonymous

Nov 17, 2019 at 5:16pm

*Eye roll*. What century are you in?

7 3Rating: +4

Meh

Nov 18, 2019 at 11:52am

@@meh
Foreign affairs.
In my case, I found another expat... or rather, she found me. Ran me down, actually (long story).
From a country next to the one of my birth. Cultural commonality and shared formative experiences. Makes an enormous difference.
In my first language, for example, there is a formal, polite version of the pronoun "you". Which is used often, even with people one knows well. In humorous and courtly contexts. This practice of polite manners in speech and thought, defines how one relates to other people. And indeed, one's entire experience of life.
Never going back. Big part of what I've missed, for decades.
Also the intensity of emotional investment, the engagement, caring and appreciation, the tenderness and affection, the quiet but unstoppable strength of character, the pragmatism but also the romanticism, the intelligence but also the humility, appetite for risk and openness to new experiences (sexual and otherwise)... Lust for life and joi de vivre.
Worth it, even with the flaws.

8 4Rating: +4

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