Im just so busy !

I reached out to an old friend after thinking about her for years, ive never bonded with anyone like i have with her. I said how i felt .. I was sorry for being absent for years but i didnt want to burden my friends with my family drama of me raising a 14 year old sister addicted to drugs and with an eating disorder when i was 19 while they were all out banging boys and being normal young adults finding their way. She said she underatood and has always wanted to reconnect and that she missed me and thought of me often over the years. Ok good right ? Well... 4 rescheduled plans later i kept hearing oh you know i have 3 kids im So Busy! Hey i totally understand who wouldnt be ! Plans turned to oh ill call you.. And that never happened. Then i got some advice from my mom who said if she wanted to make the connection she would find a way to. Let it go. Dont hold onto outcomes. She isnt showing she cares by her actions. Boom. Blown away. I sent a message that read .."Hey, i know your totally busy and thats understandable lets try for a month away or so ok?" No response. Read message though. Is it so hard to say hey you know ive had second thoughts and a.b.c. etc. Or.. Just be honest !?! So easy to not be upfront and deal with life easier to be busyy. Who else has had this encounter? Do you just drop it or is this person actually busy and me having no kids just doesnt get it and thinks im being bluffed off ?

6 Comments

Post a Comment

Listen to your mother.

Nov 15, 2019 at 12:14pm

Your mother is a woman, and she knows how it is with her. Despite whatever she may have thought she felt about you, she really only cared whether or not you were still thinking of her. She got all that she really wanted from you, and now she's gone. Don't waste anymore time on her. Your time is limited on this earth, and it goes by so fast which makes it precious. She won't ever bother herself to give any of her time to you, so don't go wasting yours on her. There are plenty of others out there that would be willing to give you their time in exchange for yours.

20 7Rating: +13

Taking a hint

Nov 16, 2019 at 2:49am

It can be hard to be rebuffed by someone you hoped was a friend. It’s happened to me too. I took the hint though, and after reaching out to this person by email and receiving a message back that included a line about how busy they were and didn’t have much time, I just never wrote back. They were telling me as politely as they could that they weren’t interested in rekindling the friendship. If they had genuinely wanted to, they would have reached out to me again, but that never happened. So just let it go.

13 2Rating: +11

Let it go

Nov 16, 2019 at 11:26am

It’s hard to hear that and can be frustrating and annoying but try give them the benefit of the doubt, they may have a lot going on you don’t know about. Rather then making it about you just be understanding and let it go. If they want to make time when they are ready they will and if not it’s their loss. I understand it’s frustrating.

8 4Rating: +4

I’ve had this.

Nov 16, 2019 at 3:00pm

I don’t have kids (mid-40s). I have friends who have kids and they keep plans. I am no longer friends with the ones who couldn’t keep plans. Same goes for the people who don’t have kids: some people just use “omg I’m so busy” as a bullshit excuse. Your mom is 100% correct on this one. Stop contacting that lame former friend and use all that emotional energy you’ve been spending on her on yourself/eventually finding better friends – which will take waaaaaay longer than you want, and it’s a lifelong kind of effort (because people die/move/change etc.) but they are out there.

11 4Rating: +7

Empathy

Nov 18, 2019 at 10:06pm

She might genuinely be busy raising 3 kids. Maybe cut her a little slack.

Question: where was your mom (and her advice) when you were a 19 yo kid raising your drug addicted 14 yo sister with the eating disorder?

0 3Rating: -3

Thank you everyone !

Nov 19, 2019 at 7:23am

You gave me the guts to call up an old friend i worked with over 5 years ago. She was my former supervisor actually! We went for coffee and it was great. I had no anxiety she made me feel comfortable and not second guess myself. Shes positive. She committs. Shes so worth my time.
I think the other old ex friend just wanted to knoe my buisness and that was it. For comparisons. Literally. Once she got my info she fucked off.
I send her my love and wish her the best in life. Time to move on. Thanks everyone

2 2Rating: 0

Join the Discussion

What's your name?