No one cooked for me when mom died

Mom died a year ago. No one cooked for me, no one brought food. They helped a bit with clothes, books and other stuff. Fundamentally I was hosting them and had to cook and serve and make big decisions. Not once was a meal offered. Not once was I told to just sit and relax and allow myself to be cared for. The very day my mom died, the first friend to show up didn't even raise a finger and I had to cook for the both of us. She just talked about herself. Then, no invitations over the holidays. Alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas. No one called or invited. My neighbours knew what happened, they couldn't be bothered to have me over for tea. I am using this experience to remind myself why I want and need to leave the west coast. I'm hoping to find a better place.


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Nov 7, 2019 at 7:14am

I am so sorry no one nurtured you after your Mother passed. Time for some new friends.


Nov 7, 2019 at 7:17am

What does the west coast have to do with your friends and family being assholes?

So sorry

Nov 7, 2019 at 7:18am

to hear this. Find some new friends. This isn't right and in your grief you shouldn't have to host insensitive people. As an aside, not sure of your age or generation, the older folks know the protocol and perhaps your friends, etc. just don't know any better.
Take care of yourself and try not to be bitter.


Nov 7, 2019 at 8:01am

To Sweet Home Chicago.

Were They Really

Nov 7, 2019 at 8:04am

Friends? Maybe they're really just shitty cooks that could only help with books.

Left coast

Nov 7, 2019 at 8:33am

So named because that's what sensible people do.
This is a place for posers, fakes and flakes. No country for good folk. But great for superficial, ostentatious everything. 'Cause it's sooo preeety... But pretty doesn't keep, and the sh*tty peeks through once the shine wears off.
My best experiences here have been with other transients. Who wind up transient because they burn out on this "culture". Nothing tying you down now. Go while that's so.
I still have obligations here. Not for lack of trying - I've told them directly that I hate this place and I'm only here because of them.
Hopefully that sinks in, and we leave before I lose it. And just go alone.

Oh man

Nov 7, 2019 at 10:00am

That really really sucks. I’m sorry this happened to you. Just a note: the person you had over, where you had to cook for them. They showed their real colours and did you a favour by doing so. Now that you are informed, you can take that info, and adapt to it: make new friends and grow apart from this selfish person. Trust me: when “friends” fail you once, they will fail you again and again, if you let them. Thank you for the reminder that empathy is important between people and that we need a village to thrive in.

I wish I knew you

Nov 7, 2019 at 11:53am

I would invite you over for tea and ask you to share your memories of your mom and make you casseroles. I had a similar experience a few years ago - a family member died and no one could be bothered to pick up the phone and ask me how I was or if I needed anything. I don’t know what it is but people born raised here are generally self indulgent twats. People from other parts of the country actually know how to help and support neighbours and friends. I’m so very sorry for your loss.

As much as it sucks to hear....

Nov 7, 2019 at 11:54am

Take a look at your own actions through life and truly ask yourself if there have been times when you should have reached out to friends during their hard times, but didn’t, or if you did, did you do the bare minimum? What we put out into the world, we receive. Also, a lot of people are emotionally clueless. Sometimes you have to ask for help.


Nov 7, 2019 at 1:37pm

Good one

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