Gifts From the Heart

I want to buy someone presents that doesn’t deserve them. I can’t help thinking of all the things they need and how giving them would make me feel good. I want to spoil this person but they don’t appreciate me so I just end up deeply hurt. I know I have to just face the fact that we shouldn’t be together but it’s hard. Christmas is a hard time of year to be alone.

18 Comments

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You should

Dec 12, 2019 at 10:59pm

You should leave them alone. Sounds like you're playing games

Spoil me

Dec 12, 2019 at 11:03pm

Come spoil you me. I deserve it, and I won't be cheap on the appreciation either :)

15 7Rating: +8

Quit Whining! Here's a Better Plan

Dec 13, 2019 at 10:44am

It would be nice if you made a charitable donation then, or did something like gave $50 to a few homeless people (it's nobody's business what they do with it).
And for you? Hire a long-term professional, that way you're both happy and you both know exactly what you're getting, and everything's clear and no hard feelings.
It seems from your post that you view relationships as transactions anyways.
This way everyone has a happy holiday!

Not OP

Dec 13, 2019 at 11:36am

I've learned the hard way that if giving temporarily makes you feel good about your generosity but ultimately leaves you drained and hurt in the long term, there is a problem on both the giving and receiving ends.

Food for thought: How could you re-examine and adjust your relationship to giving in a way that makes you feel happy rather than hurt?

20 4Rating: +16

Alone

Dec 13, 2019 at 2:17pm

I agree with @notop. Also Im in a similar situation but I’ve decided to put that energy into making gifts for any people that make me feel appreciated. The people that have gone out of their way to show me they care get my gifts this year!

14 4Rating: +10

Hey I have an idea

Dec 13, 2019 at 2:22pm

Stop assuming they this or they that. Why not go out and find out if they are this or they are that. Love is scary yes, but even scarier is not loving correctly or misjudging your love. Face them and talk with them, instead of all these assumptions about you guys and where you stand> K

17 8Rating: +9

Save yourself some money

Dec 13, 2019 at 2:23pm

and do not buy this person any gifts. Or take that money you are going to spend and donate it to the Christmas Bureau or sponsor a family this Christmas.

14 4Rating: +10

@Op/ re-Save yourself some money

Dec 13, 2019 at 5:53pm

Sometimes people are always watching others to access an opportunity to make an old wrong worst. Yet other times it's just a strange coincidence that the bell ringing is a familiar tone. So I tend to find it very scary that a old friend would want to hurt me still and or now. Or am I just a little paranoid, either way Op do not hold a loving grudge you will regret it in some way, space or time. Do not buy them all these gifts. Give them the best one of all and it's free> It's called forgiveness and it's got everything on everything else, you and your friend will both love it.

12 5Rating: +7

Not OP @@ OP

Dec 13, 2019 at 6:46pm

I am not the OP, but I doubt this is about you, friend. Save the paranoid for your record collection.

I’m sure a face to face conversation would be available upon your request, if you are truly ready to blow this pop stand and initiate an honest talk.

9 5Rating: +4

Also Not OP

Dec 13, 2019 at 6:59pm

@you should
How is thinking to oneself that giving gifts to someone who doesn’t appreciate you, playing games? It’s not like anyone other than the OP has any idea they’re thinking that. It’s a private thought that they’ve chosen to share here anonymously and many people can relate to this, including myself. I’m willing to bet you’re the type of person the OP is referring to.
I grew up with an abusive father who didn’t appreciate me and I tried everything to achieve his approval to no avail. He would always put me down and shrug off my efforts. He would underhandedly minimize me and constantly reassure me that anything I tried wasn’t good enough. I eventually decided to cut him off and move on without him as a mainstay in my life and I’ve been happier ever since.
OP, you don’t have to kill yourself trying to be good enough for someone who doesn’t acknowledge you or love you. If it’s hurting you to try to love someone who doesn’t love you back in the way you deserve then let them go. Likely they don’t see themselves as the problem anyway. They won’t care whether you’re in their life or not. They’ll just blame you for the failed relationship. It’s a waste of time. Protect your heart and share it with those who make you feel good about yourself. Merry Christmas! XO

11 4Rating: +7

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