It's that time of year again...

I have addictions and mental health in my family...and because the family member chooses not to seek professional help (drug and alcohol counselling, mental health assessment), I need to re-explain every year to this family member why it's best to not visit, depending on the mental state they get it and sometimes don't. It's strange I sometimes share with people this and some not, and people don't get it; why I choose not to be subjected to yelling, mania and watching someone binge and drink and numb over the holidays. I honestly wish someone would invite me to their dinner, I think because I appear high functioning, and share my story like 'I'm handling it', they don't know that it would still be nice to be taken in and invited to a peaceful meal where no one is upset. Volunteering might be the best way to be with people and not be alone, but remember the holidays are not easy for everyone, if someone says 'I'm not sure what I'm doing for Christmas' and you know you've got a dinner planned and plenty of food, just invite them, even if they don't accept just say they are welcome anytime to stop by. And yeah, I could plan my own meal and invite people, but I don't know people who have a similar 'let's do our own Christmas away from crazy, dysfunctional families'.


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You are not a snowflake.

Dec 2, 2019 at 11:09am

It is literally a cliche that holidays and family are stressful because all families have issues.
This just reads as someone who thinks they are perfect, and everyone else in the family is crazy.
On the flipside, there's likely a family member whining about their holier than though family member who projects on everyone else about their imperfections at the holidays.

Your story

Dec 2, 2019 at 11:11am

Makes no sense.
Your not inviting the annoying drunk family member to xmas dinner but then you say "hey dont shut anyone out at xmas if you feel they are alone ".
Further more you would rather Volunteer with strangers than be with your own family..
Tough One
Unfortunatly you cant choose your family.
They just happen.
Do what makes you happy, I guess
It is Christmas for U too :)


Dec 2, 2019 at 11:17am

.. drunk and making racy jokes is different than drunk and fighting. Drunk and screaming is also different. You know, it's funny. I ride a bike, and if some car nearly creams me, I scream at them. Nobody bats an eye if the car nearly creams me, but if I raise my voice, they all shoot daggers at me. Fuck 'em, they're just jealous my voice still works.

9 17Rating: -8


Dec 2, 2019 at 12:26pm

Don't listen to the commenters - sounds like none have dealt with family addictions (which experiences vary) - take care of yourself and thanks for sharing. You are seen. Emotional abuse is real - co-dependency is real - setting healthy boundaries to protect your own mental health and well being is okay.

18 8Rating: +10

Like with

Dec 3, 2019 at 12:55pm

Flirting and leading others on.

7 12Rating: -5

Same boat...

Dec 3, 2019 at 7:46pm

I work in a field where Christmas is a very big deal. I spend weeks making the holiday season as nice as possible for all the people I work with and then spend it alone. I tried doing the friends dinner but it became expensive year after year and nobody ever reciprocated so that ended. I used to spend it with friends but after years of listening to the bitching and moaning about not getting what they wanted (after receiving nothing myself) I decided I’d rather stay home. Such an unhappy time for many. People, please be compassionate at this time of year and THINK before you speak.

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