Just realized I asked someone to give me complete, unconditional devotion no matter what I did; to fulfill my needs for attention without getting anything in return (if I do, they might take me for granted); make me their sole focus and not even look at anyone else (but I can flirt anytime 'cause I'm allowed) ; to be less than me in everything so I can shine; and to do all these things without expecting anything in return (I don't like the pressure). They get no attention, compliments, kind gestures, visits, calls, or equal attention for things like holidays and birthdays, again because if they do they'll take me for granted so I need to keep them on their toes (I have to stay in control).
For the first time ever, I thought, "how would I feel if someone asked ME to do all this with zero return?". I got mad. "Why, whoever asked me to do this is completely selfish. They certainly do not deserve to get the kind of attention like that. Why, I'd have to be terrible to do this for anyone, and unrealistic to think that expecting this is fair or right." I know...I made the connection for the first time. Like a tiny voice inside said "oh...yeah" and I woke up.
I wrote that response down and have it on a post-it note at my phone at work, and also have a pop-up note on my cell every time I use it, both with this response in bold letters. These remind me every time I ever have rediculous, brutally unrealistic expectations on anyone I claim to love, and get filled with rage when I don't get whatever I want. You gotta put gas in that tank if you want your car to go anywhere. I don't know why I didn't get this before, it just occurred to me lately.