Learning about myself

Just realized I asked someone to give me complete, unconditional devotion no matter what I did; to fulfill my needs for attention without getting anything in return (if I do, they might take me for granted); make me their sole focus and not even look at anyone else (but I can flirt anytime 'cause I'm allowed) ; to be less than me in everything so I can shine; and to do all these things without expecting anything in return (I don't like the pressure). They get no attention, compliments, kind gestures, visits, calls, or equal attention for things like holidays and birthdays, again because if they do they'll take me for granted so I need to keep them on their toes (I have to stay in control). For the first time ever, I thought, "how would I feel if someone asked ME to do all this with zero return?". I got mad. "Why, whoever asked me to do this is completely selfish. They certainly do not deserve to get the kind of attention like that. Why, I'd have to be terrible to do this for anyone, and unrealistic to think that expecting this is fair or right." I know...I made the connection for the first time. Like a tiny voice inside said "oh...yeah" and I woke up. I wrote that response down and have it on a post-it note at my phone at work, and also have a pop-up note on my cell every time I use it, both with this response in bold letters. These remind me every time I ever have rediculous, brutally unrealistic expectations on anyone I claim to love, and get filled with rage when I don't get whatever I want. You gotta put gas in that tank if you want your car to go anywhere. I don't know why I didn't get this before, it just occurred to me lately.

22 Comments

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So you woke up

Dec 2, 2019 at 11:26am

What are you going to do with all this new found knowledge.
Probably nothing!
Chitty Chatty
But good you see now..
Moving forward is good maybe you will bump into someone worthy.
Cheers

7 5Rating: +2

Wow.

Dec 2, 2019 at 11:53am

Those are some huge realizations to come to terms with.

Though the dynamic you describe is not healthy by any means, I think it is quite common. Would you say that these attitudes and actions are an attempt to maintain power and have the upper hand in these very sensitive times where people and lovers are disposable?

Speaking as someone who has actively engaged in the act of disempowering people, as well as experiencing others' attempts to disempower me, I think we as a culture have to reexamine the idea that power is something that seesaws between people, or is a ball that exists on either your side of the court or mine.

Can't power be mutually held? And are we not made more powerful by respecting and honouring the power within others?

10 6Rating: +4

Omg!

Dec 2, 2019 at 12:05pm

I just left a relationship like that. He was the worst boyfriend i ever had. Please do yourself a favor and apologize to whoever you treated like garbage. Be a good human

20 5Rating: +15

No healthy

Dec 2, 2019 at 12:50pm

I guess not but the fact will never change I have faith she will come and finally give the conversation I deserve. Moving yes, I'm also having faith that just maybe if she wasn't acting she would want to move forward from the place where I fucked up. I went to leave the other night or probably not but I was suddenly approached by a couple. They were older younger I explain with my heart(btw) my current sitution. They liked very much in love he said do not give up if item worth it. Now like I said she is worth it, now only I think I'm worth her love as well if she'd like to give it. I waiting oviously dumbass not for ever but a bit. Maybe you speak with her, let her know I saw her message in the laundry room. So she s either an unfeeling evil bitch or she is stuck where I am also. Two people are always better than one. So wtf if she bites we just might find our way out. She has put alot of time in for some reason. Ask her if she has been to Soho or solo Burnaby lately. Whatever guy I'll follow her lead cooling period and if she tells to fuck off gladly this time. I have had all my questions answered. I just only have retain fragments. She got a big heart. I'm not sure if we have a pervious connection because off bad math. Blah blah I m rambling. I'm all in so unless I'm missing something ??????

3 10Rating: -7

Bad time

Dec 2, 2019 at 12:57pm

Time to talk to me but yes power should never belong to a majority. No I've met yet can over look their own interests. I'm just so tried still a bad drug addict and stilll totally alone or not I'm not sure because that comes and goes in waves. She loves me put her on a polygraph and she and this shit s?he spits about me s over

3 11Rating: -8

Anonymous

Dec 2, 2019 at 3:28pm

yaaaah, its cool u had an honest look at urself and expierenced a bit of sonder. not easy to accept mistreating others and having u.matchable expectations.

2 3Rating: -1

Help

Dec 2, 2019 at 3:48pm

Me

3 3Rating: 0

This is all bull

Dec 2, 2019 at 4:44pm

Love is not a battle Who Wins - Who looose. U control what "a person " .
Why would you want to do that?
Love is unconditional, its passion and truth.. All trust, never hurt or lies or pain or uncertainty.
Love shouldnt hurt.
Love should set you free
Like your flying in your heart.
Make you stronger together.
Thus "One of Heart ".

7 4Rating: +3

@No healthy and @Bad time

Dec 2, 2019 at 5:25pm

Huh?

3 3Rating: 0

Screw them

Dec 2, 2019 at 5:55pm

No other choice. Your life must go on.

4 4Rating: 0

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