My heart’s desire

Socrates said that life contains but two tragedies: one is not to get your heart’s desire, the other is to get it. I’m living this right now, and it’s tearing me apart. I literally feel torn. I can’t sleep, I can barely function, all because I’m so torn about this decision I feel I have to make. Falling in and out of love over and over again with the same person. This has gone on for so long. I feel like I’m in the fallen out of love phase right now. I’m just not feeling the same way anymore. I’m not even sure that I love them at all, other than just basic affection and caring for someone I’ve known for so long. Everything changed about a week ago, after a conversation we had that left me feeling hopeless for anything to ever change in our relationship in a way that I need it to. Since then I have just wanted them to leave. The thing is though, that I know in a while I’ll be missing them again when they’re gone. The definition of insanity and all that; we’ve done this so many times. I thought we’d finally figured out the trick to making it work, but now I’m feeling disappointed and sad. It’s such a brutal decision to face, right at Christmas, knowing that I’m going to hurt them and myself as well. I’m facing the likelihood of being alone for the rest of my life (we’re not young) and that in itself is daunting. I keep hoping that the feeling will come back, but at the same time I feel that I’d just be deluding myself if I keep doing this. Oh well, back to the pondering....thanks for listening.

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Don’t overthink it

Dec 9, 2019 at 7:03am

Love aside, it sounds like you’re not feeling very aligned with this person at the moment.

From an outsider’s perspective, that suggests that holding onto each other is not healthy for either one of you.

Maybe time to let go and let god? Each give yourselves the opportunity to get in touch with your deepest desires and determine what you really want from life?

It’s good to make space for new things to come in if the old are not serving us. I wouldn’t be fearful of being lonely or missing the person. Letting go is never a smooth process when there are long-standing bonds. It’s just a matter of emotionally bracing yourself and knowing that the path will be rocky on the way to the summit.

The decision sounds difficult, I won’t lie. But trust that if the two of you are meant to find your way back together, you will.

Good luck.

9 9Rating: 0

Hey Buddy

Dec 9, 2019 at 9:16am

Its Over.
Move on already.
Have'nt you done enough.
We all know, You can never go back.
Only Forward.

in and out no

Dec 9, 2019 at 10:32am

just tried of all the confusion now. i was moving.. then this. wow. i never stopped. once i just wanted answer. not fair to her

4 17Rating: -13

No I'm not very aliened with them atm

Dec 9, 2019 at 1:25pm

That's ok though because i have a very strong feeling she helped me break free. So love is still love.

6 12Rating: -6

Hey@ In & out

Dec 9, 2019 at 1:58pm

Read the " Hey Buddy " post,
the one above yours for clarification.
Its not that Confusing.
Troll

7 5Rating: +2

Salacia

Dec 9, 2019 at 2:18pm

Dearest OP,

Consulting the philosophers on love will leave you no less clear, for love is not a subject matter amenable to logic or analysis. We all know it to be pure, infuriating, delicious, gut-wrenching, intoxicating insanity. Love is insane!! So avoid the poets and consult Rumi, Neruda and Nina Simone instead. They teach us that the temperaments of love are infinite. Never expect love to be constant and immutable. That too is insane.

Remember that just because you love someone, that doesn't mean your love for another should take priority over your love, or compassion, for yourself. You need what you need. The love of your life should be you, my dear one.

For myself, I will always root for love (old, new, complex, simple, whatever - just make it love!) But I also believe in wabi sabi. Nothing is perfect. Nothing is finished. Nothing is permanent. So to stay in a relationship to avoid loneliness is to prioritize fear (of being alone) over possibility (of something so much more!)

To me, your choice is clear: Take the chance of new love over the fear of loneliness or take the comfort that familiarly brings knowing that your heart may never live in ecstasy again. But whatever path you choose, may you love and be loved as Rumi would have us love and be loved. As certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

@salacia

Dec 9, 2019 at 3:34pm

Swoon, thank you for these beautiful words.

New year and new start right around the corner

Dec 9, 2019 at 4:20pm

It sucks but 2020 is not too far away and why not start the new year focusing on you!

14 5Rating: +9

I can relate to this

Dec 9, 2019 at 4:23pm

I’m really angry right now but beneath it there is a very pure love for this person that has torn me down for years. I want it to stop so badly and have a normal relationship but it’s up to them to find themselves and be truly happy. It’s not up to me to make them achieve that. People change when they want to. The cycle has to stop and if they lose me in the process, if it makes them happier in the long run it was worth it because all I want is for them to find self love whether I get to share it with them or not. Take care of yourself first. You’re no good to anyone otherwise.

@ No I'm not very aliened

Dec 9, 2019 at 4:38pm

There is love, and there is being in love. Don't be in it with them, if they're off giving it to someone else.

10 4Rating: +6

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