Socrates said that life contains but two tragedies: one is not to get your heart’s desire, the other is to get it. I’m living this right now, and it’s tearing me apart. I literally feel torn. I can’t sleep, I can barely function, all because I’m so torn about this decision I feel I have to make. Falling in and out of love over and over again with the same person. This has gone on for so long. I feel like I’m in the fallen out of love phase right now. I’m just not feeling the same way anymore. I’m not even sure that I love them at all, other than just basic affection and caring for someone I’ve known for so long. Everything changed about a week ago, after a conversation we had that left me feeling hopeless for anything to ever change in our relationship in a way that I need it to. Since then I have just wanted them to leave. The thing is though, that I know in a while I’ll be missing them again when they’re gone. The definition of insanity and all that; we’ve done this so many times. I thought we’d finally figured out the trick to making it work, but now I’m feeling disappointed and sad. It’s such a brutal decision to face, right at Christmas, knowing that I’m going to hurt them and myself as well. I’m facing the likelihood of being alone for the rest of my life (we’re not young) and that in itself is daunting. I keep hoping that the feeling will come back, but at the same time I feel that I’d just be deluding myself if I keep doing this. Oh well, back to the pondering....thanks for listening.