Falling out of Love

It's so painful to admit. I am losing the energy to fight for the relationship, to believe that things can change, to believe that the other person can change. When you reflect back on a relationship, and feel hurt and frustration rather than love and fondness, is it time? I feel like I've been in denial that things haven't working for some time. It is hard to move past past hurts. They wanted to leave at points too, and I'm thinking we both clung onto the relationship out of fear of loss and loneliness. Truthfully, I fear I'm hanging onto an idea of a person and a relationship that I'm probably not fully myself in, nor feeling valued in. This sucks.


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Talk to them about it

Jan 16, 2020 at 12:12pm

Don't hold it in. Sometimes being honest and talking about it can improve things... it might end things too but at least you'd know.

Hope you know this for sure.

Jan 16, 2020 at 12:22pm

I say this because from my own personal experience as of late. That it has been our communication that broke. We are not together and the broken talking openly piece is my fault, I've tried so hard to figure out how to let her know I have had a recent realization. One which if nothing else comes of it(God I hope not, because the truth is I've said I want my friend back. It is that I actually want the girlfriend she once tried to be already)at least she will know that I recognized my errors and they were never a personal attacks. She is so super cool and really desirable in so many ways. I think most men see a woman they could have a lot of fun with, but never see the actual woman. I do and because I broke it, I never get to tell her all this stuff, I won't lie it's eating me alive atm. I never planned on missing her this badly or being so profoundly un-happy.

People don't change

Jan 16, 2020 at 12:23pm

You either have to like them and accept them, warts and all, or move along. You'll grow old and die trying to change someone else. (I'm in a non-married relationship for 19 years, and we definitely accept things about each other we're not wild about because... we still like each other. Pobody's nerfect!)

Maybe they want you to be yourself

Jan 16, 2020 at 1:18pm

I agree with the above poster.

Sometimes, especially in codependent type relationships we end up being the person we think the other person wants us to be. And they, in turn, do the same.

Or we were ourselves once and then lost ourselves in trying to continue as our past selves and not evolving through difficult but honest conversations.

That fear of being rejected through being yourself only delays an eventual separation. I’ve learnt that the hard way and look back and wish I would have put more confidence behind the requests that really mattered to me instead of just bailing when I couldn’t handle it anymore.

Letting things pile up is not loving to yourself or to the other person and sometimes separation is a good thing for understanding who you are again without the other.

But talking honestly to the other person, about what your values are, how you’ve changed, what you need - these conversations are an act of love, even if it doesn’t end up with you still together as a couple you can love each other and appreciate each other as friends who truly understand each other.

Your worst fears may also not be realized. Perhaps if you are both authentic and work through it you may end up falling in love all over again.

But whatever the case, it sounds like things need to change. If you keep doing what you did you’re gonna keep getting what you got.

Get to know yourself right now. Get clear on who you are and what your needs and wants are - and go from there.

Good luck.

I relate

Jan 16, 2020 at 1:24pm

This is exactly how I’m feeling too. Letting go of a relationship can be so hard when your feelings are conflicted. I feel that it’s inevitable because we don’t want the same things, but I still hang on.


Jan 16, 2020 at 2:31pm

" to fight for the relationship"

You shouldn't have to fight for a relationship- if it doesn't flow, it's not a relationship

A boat

Jan 16, 2020 at 3:31pm

I left someone because no matter how much i bailed out the water in the sinking boat, he kept making holes in it to sink it. I tried so hard to make things good. He didnt give a shit about me, said he did but did bad things. He wont change for me. He may for someone else but he lost out on the opportunity to have back what he once had with me. We are no longer two people in a boat. I swam. He sunk.


Jan 16, 2020 at 4:00pm

Seems like so many similar relationships situations are going on right now,
all over !
Im some relationships, things are just ment to stay broken.
The Aura does not feel right anymore.
Sometimes to much hurt can happen in a relationship, to ever go back to a place and time when it was ..
You can never really go back.
Only Forward.


Jan 16, 2020 at 8:55pm

What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more.

If it sucks

Jan 17, 2020 at 8:15am

It's still working out! Keep up the good work

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