Have you ever?

Have you ever had a terrible fight with your SO that just escalated so quickly and got so out of hand, that before you know it you’re basically breaking up? That happened to me yesterday. I feel a bit shell-shocked now. Its not what I intended but I’d been feeling more and more annoyed by a number of small things, that all it took was that one last one insensitive remark and I lost it. Then his reaction when I told him how mad I was, got even more ignorant, with him refusing to respect my boundaries or take any responsibility for what was wrong. It just got worse and worse and now he’s gone. I feel like this was inevitable and I know that I wasn’t being unreasonable about the issues that were getting to me, but I still feel completely unprepared for what took place and now I’m walking around in a daze.


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Another woman

Jan 22, 2020 at 11:17am

Hey there. Sorry to hear about the big blowup. That blows! You might be a bit tired and drained today and feeling like shit.
Give it a day or two or a week ok. No rush decisions here.
Write down whats been pissing you off. Write down what you respect in the other person and what you appreciate and what you want out of this.
Its so hard sometimes to just say what you want without someone interupting and we all have triggers compiled with maybe a long day. Maybe you were both on short fuses.
There is something i want you to look up. It is called DBT's wise mind.
There is emotion mind and wise mind.
If your on the emotion side like yelling passionate argument anger etc you know and we all know we say and react to things not like we normally would.
When we use wise mine we take everything into consideration with some feeling which was in your case im feeling like all of this is piling up today and its too much lets work on one issue for now and set a time to go for a walk etc and discuss the others.
I was once involved in domestic.violence. so take it from the most.fucked up female failure out there.
Sending you love support white light and good energy!
Write it down girl dont make the same mistake when he calls this week keep that script with you.
Be the better person. Take responsibilty for your actions and the consequences.
Have empathy.
Let him speak and know when its your turn to speak.
Simple things like re learning or doing our personal work will do us so much good in life like learning how to set boundaries learning what boundaries are.
How to communicate effectively.
You got this!
Dont overthink this.. Once youve figured out issues and what you want to say you will feel a sense of relief come over you. Relax little one we have all been there or know someone who has been there. Your not alone


Jan 22, 2020 at 12:19pm

Remember that you are better off single than being with an asshole that doesn't respect your boundaries.

Yes ....

Jan 22, 2020 at 3:10pm

We had a nasty fight over the phone and through texts. I come home with our son and he wants to separate. That's how bad it got. 1 year apart and he wants to come back as if nothing happened. Same crap still happening except I don't put up with it anymore.


Jan 22, 2020 at 3:31pm

Happened to me in September - marriage over. Fast-forward and I'm in a new place, happy as a clam and feeling free of that relationship. He got mad when I (finally) stood up for myself, and he decided to end the relationship. At the end of the day, who needs that? (He'd threatened it before, almost as a way to control me - 'You're asking for X - do you want a divorce?' ) Yep, much happier now. All the best to you, and hope that once the shock wears off, you'll feel like you're in a better and happier place, too.

Reap what you SO

Jan 22, 2020 at 3:56pm

You reap for yourself what you sow into others.

Respecting doesn't mean agreeing.

Jan 22, 2020 at 5:33pm

We all have different boundaries and he did respect your boundaries, by leaving you to them. Find yourself someone with compatible and similar boundaries otherwise you can compromise and readjust those boundaries of yours for someone that you say is significant.

Sometimes in the after math

Jan 22, 2020 at 8:38pm

People tend to realize that they saw things differently through the lens of ire intense passion. So it was not as clear as it all seemed in the moment. So just give pause reflect and maybe you can approach him from a much lower key note. Good luck

@another woman

Jan 22, 2020 at 10:29pm

Thank you for the great advice. I wish this situation could get better. I know I have a problem sometimes, expressing my needs and enforcing my boundaries. A very long history of abuse behind me. The problem is that this guy doesn’t ever believe that he’s wrong, and his only go-to response when I get angry about his disrespect is to tell me that I like to be angry, or to otherwise refuse to acknowledge or validate my opinion or my feelings. It’s my place and he refused to leave when I told him I wanted him to go home, and that just intensified my anger to the point that it got really bad. Not yelling and screaming, but very intense. I agree that anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries (very normal and reasonable ones according to anyone I’ve talked with about this) isn’t a good candidate for a relationship, but there are so many wonderful things about the other parts of the relationship that it’s extremely painful to let it go. So now I’m just going to take some giant breaths and get myself focused again before any further decisions are made.

"Respecting boundaries"

Jan 22, 2020 at 10:31pm

Sounds like you're just trying to employ a bullshit method of controlling someone's opinions, views, and behavior because you're too sensitive to deal with someone that has a mind of their own. Have fun spending most your life alone because you don't sound all that fun to be around.

Setting Boundaries

Jan 23, 2020 at 12:08am

When setting boundaries you have to be careful not to be setting boundaries that are unreasonable and are meant just to avoid being reasonable. If people don't care for the boundaries you set or they think that you're just trying to be controlling with these boundaries they will go elsewhere. You're not so special that anyone should bow and bend to your will just because you say you have a boundary over some matter. Best to let people know what your boundaries are before getting into a relationship with them. No one likes their time being wasted.

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