How did this happen

My former husband of 22 years, the father of my 3 children, went back to his highschool girlfriend a few months after he left me. My kids love her, they do family style stuff with him, her & her kids all the time. It's like *we* never existed. And yet I am still alive. This is the kind of thing that would have me suicidal and probably will again. I don't understand how people can treat each other so badly. He always had a thing for her but even I am shocked it has come to this. And her? Her? She was at my wedding. Her ex was my ex's best friend and my daughter's godfather. We planned showers for each other. I cannot believe I am able to wake up every day and live my life with this level of betrayal. I can barely talk to my kids about this. My strength is not what it should be. How am I still alive when others have deemed me this worthless?

19 Comments

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I feel for you

Feb 21, 2020 at 5:26am

It’s so hard to come to terms with those feelings after a breakup. You wonder if you ever really meant anything to them, and how they could move on so quickly. It’s very painful, especially when there’s kids involved. It’s something that you might need some counselling for, to help you cope with these feelings. What you’re feeling is very normal, so please ignore any comments you might get telling you that you’re a terrible person for feeling this way. Be kind to yourself, and know that you can move on, even though it might not feel that way right now.

Wow

Feb 21, 2020 at 6:27am

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can only imagine how that would feel. I guess they can't hide their feelings and happiness, but at the same time how they have no idea how it would make you feel, or care how it would make you feel is unreal. Again, I'm sorry, I hope soon your kids will be grown and you can live your best years for yourself.

31 6Rating: +25

try not

Feb 21, 2020 at 6:52am

making everything about you, life will get easier. It isn't betrayal, it is a change. Do you really want to be in a relationship where he doesn't really love you. (I guess that answer is yes, as long as it meets your needs) He's happy, your kids are happy, you should be happy about that at least. Get on with your life.

Cat

Feb 21, 2020 at 7:16am

You are not worthless. You are more than what your former partner thinks of you. You are in a very difficult time, and you need some help navigating this. Please reach out to a professional who can help you without taking sides. Try the Crisis Line in BC https://www.options.bc.ca/get-support/crisis
Try not to talk to your kids about how their father's behaviour is affecting you, they are trying to navigate this as best as they can, and they need two parents. It's very difficult for kids to try to emotionally support adults, and they shouldn't have to.
Things are going to be hard for awhile, but there is a positive future for you. You can do this.
From, someone who's been there. You got this!

39 9Rating: +30

soundspeed

Feb 21, 2020 at 8:36am

You had 22 years together and now it's over. Move on and enjoy your life. You're an adult and surely you've learned that life doesn't always go as expected. There are other men who won't leave you for their high school girlfriends out there. You're alive, what more do you need? Live your fucking life. Go fuck other guys and get over your douchebag ex husband, for fuck's sake! You got this!

Your ex moved on...

Feb 21, 2020 at 9:02am

Maybe you should too. Grow up.

you are not your relationships

Feb 21, 2020 at 11:13am

You are a complex person with many parts. You are not defined by one thing, no one is.

The relationship part is of course huge. We all want love, that shiny crystal that glows in our hearts - and that is unstable and can fracture. I mean, you have an ex too, you know how this is.

The betrayal is what, that the kids are fine with their dad's new/old GF? I guess that would suck. It might make you feel better if they hated her for being a man-stealing bitch, right? Fucking slag! Grrr!!

But then what? Does that actually mean anything for you? Is it better for them that they hate their dad as much as you do right now?

IDK. Maybe. Not here to preach. But just to point out that you are more than this. You have air in your lungs, most people don't. You'll be like them soon enough, no need to die prematurely. You have some time. What are you going to do that makes YOU feel interesting, interesting?

21 4Rating: +17

Anonymous

Feb 21, 2020 at 2:27pm

Divorce is Hell, called by another name.

A thousand trips to the hottest part of Hell for whoever asshole promotes this societal garbage making.

12 5Rating: +7

They are...

Feb 21, 2020 at 2:53pm

both jerks and deserve each other. Maybe you could reach out to her ex husband, who's also your ex's best friend. He's in the same situation as you, so you could comfort each other and feel less lonely. Who knows what might happen? You two might start something just like Shaina Twain and her ex-friend's husband. That would be the best revenge!

Betrayed at 49

Feb 21, 2020 at 2:56pm

My former husband did exactly the same thing. Back with his ex who was at our wedding. This has been going on for years and we are divorcing - i regret it takes a whole year . I have to remain positive for our 15 year old but I a
disgusted and heartbroken. He did you a favour by leaving - now you are free to find out who you are and move forward. Your kids will figure it out as they grow up. I promise it gets better. You can do this. Remember , they are losers and deserve each other. They can play family, but they broke one up to be together so it’s all a show to make themselves feel better about being lying cheaters.
Sending you much ❤️ and support.

28 4Rating: +24

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