The strong friend

I'm "the strong friend". The one who seems to have it all together, to never lose their shit, to always be a pillar. Little do my friends know, I am deeply emotionally traumatized, and I've never been given the chance to open up about it, especially because of said emotional trauma, this is as close to opening up as I'll ever be. And what they really don't know is, without their friendship, and without feeling like a pillar that is needed in their life, I'd probably off myself. I think about my friends who rely on me and it keeps me going. I could never let them down. The thought of leaving them or hurting them in such a way is far more disgraceful than my view on my own life. How crazy is that?

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Mar 31, 2020 at 9:41am

You opening up here. Thank you. Hugs.

12 6Rating: +6

Not crazy at all

Mar 31, 2020 at 11:49am

You're simply on this planet to give and this giving feeds a purpose. It's okay to live for others and let your own life go to shit...it kinda comes with the territory.
Dude, I'm a fricking mess on the inside, broken and busted. But there's not one second of hesitation if someone opens up to me and needs me to listen. I figure it's the only thing I have left to offer. I don't want anyone ending up like me!

Carry on and be that pillar until the end

20 2Rating: +18

One Word

Mar 31, 2020 at 3:26pm

Counselling.

8 12Rating: -4

You're not crazy

Apr 1, 2020 at 12:24am

Just codependent

6 12Rating: -6

You sound like my sister

Apr 1, 2020 at 12:41am

She thinks she holds the world together by the dint of her will. She is actually parasiticly needy and everyone sees that. But what are ya gonna do? So we let her think her thoughts and wink her off

6 17Rating: -11

Born in bc

Apr 1, 2020 at 7:13am

Hello there thanks for reaching out.
I love the raw truth its great.
People comparing you do so bevause that is a reflection of their perspective not your so dont even read it.
Id get you to take a quiz and see if you have persistent feelings of hopelessness and see if you can call 811 and chat to someone about how your feeling.
They may have some good advice.for you and they will tell you.. Your not alone !
We have come from hunter gatherers so it is only natural for you to reach out and help your friends.. In turn you are helping yourself by participating in life itself my love.
My dear mum doesnt tell but i know she has told me about her major depression.. It is about the same as you really how you feel, she has friends and me but would never let go of life.
I work in psych and get these feelings. It can be from major stress and or an unrealistic coping mechanism. Check it out. Huggs

7 3Rating: +4

Doing time on planet Earth

Apr 1, 2020 at 8:33am

Other people are the reason I'm still around.
That, and curiosity. What will fall over and catch on fire next?... Well, maybe that's voyeurism.
Been living in borrowed time all my life. Never wanted to, in the first place. Grew up stunted in a failed state. Life has been..."interesting". In a brutish sort of way.
Should have died many times over. Perhaps not so curious. Just fatalistic.
I'm really alive because the fam would be sorry to have me go. And my partner was very direct about it: "Nothing here for me, so I'd check out when you do. Stick around..."
Don't know what "strong" means. Though most consider me empathetic (at the proper times), I can be detached to a point just short of psychopathology. And maybe a bit more. So I suppose there's that.
Maybe also why I'm still here.

8 2Rating: +6

The Disease to Please

Apr 1, 2020 at 10:14am

No shade, but this does sounds like you are maybe getting all of your self worth by pleasing others, and that is the definition of codependency. I say no shade because this was me 5 years ago. It's a hard nut to crack, especially since you get a lot of positive reinforcement from those around you who are on the receiving end of all your hard work.
I really got a lot out of the book:
The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome
Written by Harriet Braiker
Honestly you put yourself at risk when living like this, in so many avenues of your life you are vulnerable. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel if you can overcome this. Feeling suicidal levels of codependency is a tough way to live.

9 2Rating: +7

Careful

Apr 1, 2020 at 10:47am

There's the expectation that friendships should feel fair but you are describing an unmet expectation of your own. Also, it's ok to shore up the terms of engagement from time to time. You can grow together with fair term or you can grow apart. They get to lean on you and you get to lean on them! If it feels unfair and you can't leave it's because you've learned codependence. You get something from being the 'rock' that you describe.

7 0Rating: +7

Oh? You have issues?

Apr 1, 2020 at 10:54am

We all have issues. We all struggle. Every. Single. Day. You're no different from any other "strong" person. If it weren't hard to be strong, everyone would be.
The only issue here is that you aren't comfortable enough to speak to your friends about it. If they're real friends they won't view you in a lesser light--they'll HELP you. And if your friends suck, see a therapist.

7 2Rating: +5

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