I must have a soul mate Somewhere but We can’t be together Because I smoke pot And he prefers the harder things He wanted to get married and have a family I wanted to become someone worth marrying Before I had a family I had no idea that i’d have to choose one Over the other How unfair to live a life Healing myself from traumas Brought on by men To vigilantly protecting myself from Men only to reach a stage Where Men no longer want me And I’m dying to be loved by them. Looking into my aging eyes reminds them Of their own mortality. I’ve always loved the maturity Of an older man Yet I cant compete with the reassurance Of a much younger woman. I wanted to be cool for him So we could live a cool life Together and grow old In an unconventional way He wanted a smaller version Of me. Same smile, same hair But with a smaller More showcaseable body I wanted a smart man But Being smart is very attractive And he married someone who really Wanted to get married. Smart men don’t need to stay single Being single is more work And that isn’t smart I wanted to be independent For him So we could be equal partners In life He wanted to feel needed And knowing that I could Do it without him Made him insecure I worked on myself I stopped comparing myself To other women. But he liked it when I was jealous It made him feel powerful The drama that I worked so Dilligently to remove from my life Was the substance he built His existence around It gave him a sense of purpose I wanted to find someone Who has seen some shit Yet still lives in the light But those men are pieces That fit someone else’s puzzle I wanted to find true love When I’d really grown up Only I grew up into An era full of porn and polyamory I accept that I was never meant To bear children of my own There was a reason I couldn’t picture it But I wanted someone to love me so much that they wanted To have children with me I can live without the children But without that love? It never occurred to me that I’d have to.