I found her

I was having a very rough time after a breakup. My ex sent me pictures of myself taken many years ago, where I looked young and happy. He said he misses that girl. I said I miss her too. He said I should tell him when I find her. So after thinking about it I’ve realized a few things: firstly, I aged just like he did, and I’ve never made him feel badly about his own physical changes. Secondly, one of the reasons I stopped being happy was because I was in a relationship with someone who constantly criticized me, judged me, and made me feel that I was never good enough to please him. And finally, I realized that I’ve found that girl again and all it took was to lose him. Will I be telling him? Hell no.

18 Comments

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Maybe.

May 26, 2020 at 11:26am

You just did. I'm sorry, I was always just concerned underneath completely masked feelings your health was fading, hers too.

3 16Rating: -13

Me, too!

May 26, 2020 at 12:01pm

I've come out of a relationship with a man who would tell me I "wasn't normal" etc. I've found myself, too, and it's such a liberating experience! (And yes, I'm pretty awesome - you are, too.) All the bet with your new life.

22 4Rating: +18

Inspiring!

May 26, 2020 at 12:19pm

Thanks for sharing! I, too, remember that feeling of "coming back to myself" after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship. It's a great feeling!

24 2Rating: +22

Anonymous

May 26, 2020 at 1:48pm

Tee hee

2 17Rating: -15

@maybe

May 26, 2020 at 6:43pm

What are you trying to say? “Underneath completely masked feelings”? If you care about someone, masking your feelings is a recipe for disaster. Just be straight with people. Game playing is for children.

12 7Rating: +5

Abusive empty vessels vs Hearts of Gold

May 26, 2020 at 8:32pm

Glad you didn't tell him.
Men like that want one thing, and one thing only.
To steal the light.
They're furious and lash out when they find out the light was there all along. It just doesn't shine for them anymore.
They think they can stop the sun from rising.
Who wants to tell them?

18 4Rating: +14

@@maybe you just did.

May 26, 2020 at 9:23pm

See if you were paying attention you'd have caught on that this is an old situation. So since you missed that I'd say it's unlikely that you caught that people and these ones as well (it shows in this person's words in this post) change.

3 10Rating: -7

@Abusive empty vessel vs

May 26, 2020 at 9:30pm

See your post scares me, because I know so many red flag warnings in selfish non-social people. Sorry but yours screams projection of anger. Clearly your a very intelligent person but your heart and care for others seems to lack. A heart of gold wouldn't even project this type of feelings into the world they aren't sure how to unless they are taught and are feeling attacked by lies.

5 20Rating: -15

Anonymous

May 27, 2020 at 4:12am

But how do we know who has a Heart of Gold and who has a huge gaping vessel?

4 7Rating: -3

@@@maybe you just did

May 27, 2020 at 4:51am

I know this situation well because I wrote the post. In my case the criticism began immediately. I just was too smitten to understand how much damage it was going to do to me as such a sensitive person. It was insidious. It began long before my health was affected by the cumulative effects of multiple major life stressors over a long period of time. So using the excuse of just being concerned about my health is just that; an excuse. There was always an excuse for everything he complained about with me. Nothing was ever good enough to please him. It took a long time for me to accept it, but I finally realized that I was never, ever going to reach that bar that he kept raising. I gave up. In doing so, I found the peace that’s been missing for so long, and I found the me that’s been inside waiting. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt real joy, but I did today and I will tomorrow. I wish he’d have listened to me when I told him so many times that he was hurting me with the constant criticism, but he didn’t and I doubt that he’s ever going to truly change.

16 2Rating: +14

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