difficult to admit this

posted June 20th, 2020 at 2:24 PM

I’m a woman. I’ve had serious relationships. I wasn’t the type to date continuously. I did have breaks in between . Usually, I would be single for a year then some guy will appear in the picture. But I find I’m happier when I don’t have a boyfriend. I realized this many years ago, but I don’t want to be like that. I was informed, taught, influenced by friends, books, movies, parents that girls supposed to be in a relationship, get marry, etc. So if I admit to myself that I’m not the type suit to have a relationship. I feel I’m losing something. I’m a woman, a human, I should say. I always hope I can meet someone I admire, appreciate , adore and love. And he feels the same about me. But every time I’m in a relationship, I feel I’m not me. I feel so much more comfortable by myself and emotionally happier. When there’s someone else in my head or heart, my every thought is linked to him, his every word and action affects all my senses. My heart is not free. Okay, I secretly admit maybe I don’t like relationships. I was in them because I was super attracted to the guy, then emotions got involved, then it’s a habit and love grew and it became a relationship. Anyways, thank you for reading.

14 Comments

I hear ya

Jun 20, 2020 at 8:36pm

I’ve spent a good portion of my life feeling similar to you (though currently in love).

Surprisingly, I’ve always found “single, not looking” status to be very difficult to explain to the people closest to me, even though they are very open minded in other ways. I’ve always received responses of pity or disbelief, which just seems weird in the 21st century.

Good point that we have been conditioned by media, family, friends, culture, and dating site industries to quest for that person who will “complete” us, when maybe we have been complete all along.

I Understand

Jun 20, 2020 at 8:44pm

I’ve finally come to the same conclusion. I’m very independent and a bit introverted. I love with my whole heart or not at all, but I need my space regardless of whether I’m in a relationship and in love, or not. My dream would be to find a guy to be with where he understands my need to have space, where we had a place big enough so that we each had our alone space when we needed it.

Anonymous

Jun 20, 2020 at 10:46pm

On the same boat. I'm happier alone. But there's too much pressure from my parents to get married. I'm scared that I might eventually succumb to their emotional rants. They are very supportive in every other thing. I wish they could understand this too. Maybe someday..

Same here

Jun 21, 2020 at 12:19am

Thank you for sharing this. I feel the same way and can’t figure out why. It is nice to know others feel similarly also.

Yep

Jun 21, 2020 at 10:13am

I've been married twice (big gap in between the two) and each time I married men who were controlling. I felt like I was a bird trapped in a cage, beating my wings against the bars, feeling like an empty shell, and now that I'm out - ah, the freedom.

I've also realized that I'm not suited to living-with-someone relationships because I'm also an introvert, like to do things as I do them, and after my last marriage (which has left me quite battle-scarred), I am not willing to give up my freedom just to live with someone and take all the financial and emotional risks that entails.

I'm open to a relationship but if/when it happens, it won't look like a traditional one: it will be "you live in your place, I'll live in mine".

And I also felt that conditioning to 'find a man' which ate up a lot of time and energy. I feel now like I value friendships a lot more, finding joy in life, being happy - I'm not looking for someone but if someone finds me who fits into that picture and how I want to live, well, okay. But no more of the traditional thing. Did not work for me, either.

Yeah

Jun 21, 2020 at 10:25am

I'm currently in a relationship and I love my partner but the compromises and getting frustrated by bad habits gets on my nerves sometimes. If I find myself single again, I'm going to stay that way.

ooshpick

Jun 21, 2020 at 11:13am

me too. it's all good. nothing wrong over here but i like my space and it works for me. :)

Bea123

Jun 21, 2020 at 1:43pm

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a 26 year old woman who has been single my whole life so far. I am really happy on my own and enjoy having no worries about a boyfriend. However I do wish I had the courage to ask out this super cute guy with curly hair and glasses who worked nearby me for a year though. He’s gone now and it’s too late.

No different

Jun 21, 2020 at 1:53pm

"I was informed, taught, influenced by friends, books, movies, parents that girls supposed to be in a relationship, get marry, etc."

Same for guys- we're supposed to man up and spend our lives working to support everyone else, never complain,and just accept whatever other people decide for us.