While I can not say if it is right in the long term, the idea of taking a deep breathe and making a good decision... is a good decision.
More than anything, if she still has an emotion in you, then yeah... back away. That in itself could manifest in ways you can not forsee as we'll.
Adult decisions are not always fun, but they pay off. (usually)

I commend you for making a mature decision about this. It’s not easy to do, but I personally think you did the right thing.

This might be the most wholesome post I've ever read on this God-forsaken hellsite!

Soldier on...

Thank you. A difficult but great decision. Is this affecting my sleeping tonight? Oh yes. Imagine I accepted an offer and didn't know her partner worked there! I dodged a bullet for all of us!

I have so much love and respect for my ex. I did this for her. She was genuinely happy for me when I married someone else and had kids. Declining an interview to respect her is the LEAST I can do. I broke her heart once and that's on my conscience. But knowing I love her, genuinely doing what's best and supporting her, that I'd do in a heart beat.

...despite all the thumbs up. Yes, you've made a mature, thoughtful decision, and that IS commendable. But what does this bf have to do with still loving your ex? If you get the job, will you be working closely with him? Will you see them together at company functions? You keep in touch with your ex anyway. 8 years is a long time, and good jobs are hard to come by. You might be turning down a great opportunity. If you have lots of other options, Ok then. But companies tend to like "workaholics". At least go through with the interview. Best of luck.

That’s a confession! I hope you do feel better after being able to voice it out on here. I think you made a smart decision.

Sounds to me like the 2 of you were actually meant to be together and perhaps she's just saying that because from your own admission you broke her heart, so perhaps she doesn't realize how you actually feel, but if you are married that becomes a very slippery slope. Sometimes that's the problem with relationships people realize later how they feel or they get into relationships for the sake of getting into them. The best relationships are when 2 people can be completely honest with each other and not take it in an offensive manner. Sounds like the 2 of you still have feelings for each other so in that regard yes you are smart to avoid but unfortunately if the 2 of you still have feelings the relationships you are in will never be completely satisfying.