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A few weeks ago, a friend messaged asking what I was doing for my 30th birthday, which is next week. I said I guess I could plan something, and messaged our group chat. 5 or 6 people replied saying yes. Yesterday, I checked in with people to see if they were still interested. Everyone who said yes forgot and now has other plans. One person, who was most enthusiastic, didn't reply. I've since seen on Instagram that she's out of town. The friend who asked me to set it up read the message and didn't reply, despite us talking about it since and her saying how excited she was. At this point, I would have loved for people just to reply saying they couldn't make it, but only two people actually did that. I cried for two hours.

16 Comments

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Hey there

Jul 6, 2020 at 1:58pm

What a super crappy move for people to encourage you to set something up and/or respond enthusiastically, then bail. I am so sorry to hear about the friend flakiness.

If I could I would give you a hug and reassure you that it's not just you. These days there is an epidemic of distractibility that impedes people's capacity to make and adhere to plans, quite likely exacerbated by social media, Tinder, Vancouver culture, etc. Everyone's just chasing the next best thing rather than being happy with where they are.

Solo birthdays can be highly emotional times, but sitting in the feelings can create great opportunities for reflection on what is and isn't working and who/what we want in our lives moving forward. There is no shame in being your own bff until reliable people who vibe with you are ready to come your way. Lots of us are doing exactly the same thing :)

Wishing you a beautiful summer solar return, however you choose to spend it.

45 3Rating: +42

Fake Friends

Jul 6, 2020 at 2:19pm

That sucks. I feel your pain. This happens to me every year so I stopped trying to plan anything. You have to keep reminding people over the weeks and days leading up to it and planning your own party sucks. It feels forced. Just know that you’re coming into a new stage of life and that you can dump crappy friends and make new ones. People come in and out of your life. I’m sorry you’re sad. I hope your birthday turns out great. Happy 30th!!

31 1Rating: +30

Boohoo...

Jul 6, 2020 at 3:29pm

... I have not had a birthday since Grade 5.

7 28Rating: -21

10 years from now

Jul 6, 2020 at 3:39pm

You'll stop celebrating your birthdays. You'll start crying when people don't forget and constantly call to remind you of them.
You'll view each birthday as a rehearsal for your inevitable funeral.
You'll just lay in bed and try to skip the day by sleeping through it.

7 31Rating: -24

Anonymous

Jul 6, 2020 at 4:53pm

Happy birthday!

30 3Rating: +27

Internal friendship ❤️

Jul 6, 2020 at 6:33pm

Welcome to the human race full of flakes and f-wits. At least you know how amazing you are and can celebrate yourself by being your own best friend!

24 5Rating: +19

Wow. That sucks.

Jul 6, 2020 at 6:54pm

Well here's wishing you a happy birthday and some positive vibes / best wishes. Peace!!

22 4Rating: +18

Belated Birthday Wishes

Jul 6, 2020 at 7:52pm

I hope you made the most of your birthday and week after somehow despite what happened. Sorry to hear that, it’s absolutely so disappointing. But believe me, this happens a lot in Vancouver. In the past, I’ve gone above and beyond for people’s birthdays, buying gifts, taking people out for a nice lunch, surprising them with a six pack, buying cards and cakes, creatively and humorously decorating their work spaces to make them “Instagrammable” or whatever... and you know what I got on my birthdays? People forgot and would text me a week later. They would grudgingly bring out a cake with a shitty look in their face. They’d forget the card. They’d never take me out for a drink. So I basically gave up and stopped giving out my fantastic energy celebrating people’s birthdays because my day turned out devastating, year after year. I put a funeral to celebrating my birthday now and will NOT make a move when people nudge me to remind me their birthday is coming up in 2 weeks. IDGAF anymore, people trained me that they absolutely will not celebrate me, but expect to be celebrated. Do a late birthday thing for yourself; get a beautiful mani-pedi, get an inflatable SUP board, go rent a boat for four hours, whatever will make you happy and indulge yourself and give yourself joy. And I hope you disappear on any of these “friends” birthdays in the future.

27 4Rating: +23

Friend12

Jul 6, 2020 at 7:54pm

You have 5 more friends then me.

8 5Rating: +3

Happy belated birthday

Jul 6, 2020 at 8:03pm

Some Vancouver people can be jerks! I wish I can reach out to you and take you out for your birthday. There are still good, sincere people out there. I am sending you positive energy that you will meet them soon!

22 3Rating: +19

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