Mystery

My friend had an fwb fling with a man last year. Then they drifted. She became pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl. My friend was stupid for not using birth control but the guy was equally as stupid for not using a condom. I wonder why she never bothered to contact this person to let him know that he could be the father of her child? Does he even know that he has a daughter?

12 Comments

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You're not a friend

Jul 15, 2020 at 8:04am

You judge this woman and are not nice.

Ugh

Jul 15, 2020 at 8:17am

This is completely 100% none of your business. You shouldn't ask, and you should stop wondering. Women get to make choices.

16 5Rating: +11

oh boy

Jul 15, 2020 at 8:43am

anybody i have known that was born in such a situation always wonders who the missing parent is. not fair to the kid. not fair at all. your friend should tell her fwb as soon as possible. you know, it's good for all concerned even though it may cause upheaval now. get it over with and get on with the parenting. both parents have a responsibility seeing as how they took such obvious risks by not practicing birth control. omg.

14 3Rating: +11

Skeletons & Closets

Jul 15, 2020 at 9:13am

I have a friend who is married with 5 kids. She recently did the DNA test thing and was blind sided when she found out she has a half sister. Turns out her father had a fling when he was a very young man. It was earth shattering to the family and her half sister had a lot to deal with as she grew up because of it. Best to confront this now as skeletons can make a lot of noise with those old bones rattling around!

8 3Rating: +5

There may be a reason

Jul 15, 2020 at 9:50am

And if you are a good friend, you might get to hear about it.

Otherwise I would simply console myself with the realization that other people's relationships are always unfathomable.

11 2Rating: +9

Legal quagmire

Jul 15, 2020 at 12:49pm

Maybe your friend wanted a baby and she was using him as an unwitting sperm donor? On the other side of the coin, perhaps he became abusive towards her, or began engaging in dangerous behaviours (e.g. doing hard drugs, excessive drinking), and she didn't feel safe having him around? Are you sure you know the whole story?

In BC, a child born out of wedlock has the same legal rights as a child born inside of wedlock. What that means for the parents is that they BOTH have specific rights and responsibilities that they are legally required to meet. If your friend has no reason to fear for her safety, she should consult a family lawyer (or go to a legal aid clinic) for advice, then contact the father to let him know about the child. Hopefully, your friend and the father can work out a mutually beneficial co-parenting agreement (that they put in writing to avoid confusion and miscommunication). If the father isn't interested in co-parenting, he's still legally required to provide financial support for his child.

Your friend needs to protect her parental rights and advocate for her child's rights as well - staying on the right side of the law by informing the father is the first step. Hiding the truth from him may have legal consequences for your friend down the road when he eventually/inevitably discovers that he fathered a child with her. I would strongly advise you not to tell the father yourself - things could get ugly for your friend very quickly. Legal advice + disclosure + co-parenting agreement = a more secure future for your friend and her child.

8 4Rating: +4

I've met people like you

Jul 15, 2020 at 2:29pm

Fake-righteousness just to hide your own bile.

6 12Rating: -6

He's a...

Jul 15, 2020 at 9:18pm

deadbeat dad and will receive a massive child support bill when his daughter turns 18.

1 6Rating: -5

@ He's a...

Jul 15, 2020 at 10:40pm

How can he be a deadbeat Dad if he doesn't even know that he has a child? Sheesh!

9 2Rating: +7

Anonymous

Jul 16, 2020 at 12:08am

Gossip, backstabbing and this sort of thing is all a diversion. You're only keeping your mind preoccupied from your own issues or even important political matters that should be important to you, like an adult. Pull your head out of your butt.

5 2Rating: +3

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