Selfish Love

I've dated my bf just over a year. We don't live together but have had conversations about one day joining households. I adopted a kitten on the weekend (too small to take home yet) and he is very pissed I didn't consult him. I had told him early on I wanted a pet, but I suppose for him it was something far off in the future. We don't live together, he could be gone at some point (whether we break up for this or something else) and he has zero financial obligations to my pet. For me the timing is right. I don't know that I owed him a consult on this? It feels really crappy to be yelled at and accused of being selfish on this.


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Jul 20, 2020 at 10:23pm

Do whats right for you.
If you want the kitten and will provide for the kitten yourself, love the kitten, and find a safe loving place for kitty if you go on an extended vacation, all without the bf's help, you don't owe him an explanation.
You don't live with him. Whats his issue?
Provided you pay for the cats food and litter yourself, plus vet bills that come up in 10 years time. If he is not paying for your existence:( pays for everything), until you get engaged, you can really do what you want.
And yes, if he yells at you for something like that, possibly he is a control freak or a narcissist... maybe both.

post another time what you decided to name him/her.
good luck.

27 3Rating: +24


Jul 20, 2020 at 10:25pm

Yikes. What even is his objection? I think in general people need extra compassion and consideration given the state of things these days, but I do wonder if maybe this is a sign...

22 3Rating: +19


Jul 20, 2020 at 10:36pm

You're not being selfish. Yelling over you getting a cat? Yikes! Red flag... maybe take it as a sign and find someone who is respectful of your life and willing to talk to you respectfully.

39 3Rating: +36

Dump him.

Jul 20, 2020 at 11:24pm

You don't live together. You don't have immediate plans to live together. In fact, you don't have any commitment or obligation to live together beyond a vague "one day" idea of living together. But he thinks that he gets to dictate your decision about how you live your life right now? In your own home? Based on the vague notion that some day you *might* live together? The fact that he thought you should ask his permission to get a pet AND the fact that he actually yelled at you are two huge red flags. This guy is controlling and manipulative - walk away from him (fast!) and enjoy your lovely new kitten! You'll get more love and support from a sweet little furry friend than you ever will from him. >^..^<

52 4Rating: +48

Keep the kitten

Jul 21, 2020 at 2:17am

Ditch the Boyfriend. He sounds like a dud.

33 2Rating: +31

Guy gets that upset over a hypothetical cat

Jul 21, 2020 at 3:17am

Reeks of arsehole. Even if he's good in bed-run.

25 2Rating: +23

Mm hmm

Jul 21, 2020 at 5:33am

You should know what you want and clearly communicate it...

You guess you thought he thought something else...

Or maybe it's something else...

Adults can work it out, stay or move on.

4 8Rating: -4

Please listen to everyone above

Jul 21, 2020 at 7:53am

If he's this bad now, he would be a lot worse if you lived together. I can attest that living with a control freak can be not only upsetting, but potentially dangerous.

32 3Rating: +29

Not a good sign

Jul 21, 2020 at 8:32am

Like others have already said, I have to agree that his behaviour is a red flag. It really reminds me of my own situation with an ex who also didn’t live with me but acted like he did. Very, very controlling. He also threw a bit of a fit when I decided to get a pet without consulting him (he’d told me not to but I did it anyway). That behaviour, that was typical in all other aspects of our relationship, ultimately made us break up. So unless you’re comfortable having him dictate to you about this and everything else, perhaps this is the time to walk away before you waste any more time. Good luck, and stand your ground!

29 5Rating: +24

Same Thing

Jul 21, 2020 at 8:35am

I've bought things- a car, motorcycle etc- and had a couple GFs of only weeks raise an eyebrow and get upset. I guess she thought I was supposed to spend on her, or a trip for "us"- which never became "us"

20 4Rating: +16

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