Triggered

I’m reeling after spending the whole night having major anxiety and an emotional meltdown. I was having a wonderful day up until I started reading an article online that related to typical behaviour patterns of people who have been traumatized, and who’ve been diagnosed either with PTSD or C-PTSD. (I had been in the past.) I was reading the list and it became abundantly clear that I exhibit almost all of these behaviours all the time. Suddenly I was crying and shaking and I guess I had an anxiety attack. I feel completely worn out now and I realized that I really haven’t been coping as well as I thought I had. I’ve just been trying not to think about my feelings, but obviously avoiding them hasn’t worked. I really need someone to talk to, but I can’t afford therapy and I don’t want to put any more stress on my family and friends. I’m just not sure where to turn now, but something’s got to change.

9 Comments

Post a Comment

Lots of options!

Jul 15, 2020 at 1:00pm

Most therapists have a sliding scale for low-income clients. Also, senior psychotherapy students charge a lower rate for (supervised) therapy - just make sure that you find student counsellors from a provincially or nationally-accredited program. There are also online therapy sites and discussion boards that may work for you. Contact the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors - they may be able to help you find affordable therapy. Your family doctor may be able to recommend someone as well.

Ignoring your feelings never works - they only go away when you work through them, not around them. Yes, therapy is hard work but, if you approach it openly and honestly, you'll start to make progress and you'll start to feel better. Please be aware, psychotherapy is not yet a regulated profession in BC. Do your due diligence by confirming your therapist's educational credentials before hiring him/her/them to help guide you to optimum mental and emotional health. BEST OF LUCK!!!

20 0Rating: +20

Turn right about face

Jul 15, 2020 at 1:59pm

I usta scratch till it bled. Only reason that no longer happens? Stopped scratching. Oprah culture of stirring things up has created a fuck load of wounds. Ride the death wave to dust if you must then forget about it

4 11Rating: -7

Hey pal

Jul 15, 2020 at 2:30pm

I feel this, big time, and have similar struggles. There's a clinic in town called Change Pain that is currently offering free online programming related to healing after trauma and mindfulness-based stress reduction (which overlaps a lot with skills taught in PTSD therapy). I've found them super helpful. Wishing you so much healing and recovery <3

19 3Rating: +16

Pretty Sure

Jul 15, 2020 at 2:42pm

There is free numbers to call.
Google will tell you

8 3Rating: +5

Fellow & former PTSD sufferer

Jul 15, 2020 at 4:10pm

Hi,

I teared up just reading your post. I've been there. It took me about a year of therapy and then another 6 months to taper off the meds. I'm fine now. No symptoms for the past 10 years. Meditation has really helped me - you may need some support before you can manage on your own. I just want you to know that full recovery is possible. I'm living proof. Hang in there, it gets better. Ps- I love you, take care.

20 1Rating: +19

Needful Things

Jul 16, 2020 at 3:28am

Yes, this has happened to me. Not dealing with the feelings doesn't help. It makes it worse. You have to think back and remember who you were, what you were like, and the things you were doing, and planning to do before you came into contact with whatever it was that caused you the trauma.
Now I don't know what traumatized you, but sometimes the subject that caused the trauma was perhaps good at first. It gave an added inspiration to whatever it was that you were like, and what you liked to do, but something drastic occurred with the subject and it changed.
The trauma of that change to the subject is what resulted in the loss of your true self. What you need to do is find a new subject but one that will work in the old subject's place but more effectively and reliably. In a way it's like running a back up and restore to a previous date on your computer to fix the files that got corrupted in some of your driver software. If the subject or thing that you need is hard to come by, hopefully you can find an easier to come by alternative that will suit you in the meantime.
Once you figure out what that is, it'll come together for you.

3 2Rating: +1

Op

Jul 16, 2020 at 7:18pm

Thanks to most of you for your support and suggestions. My particular issue is C-PTSD, which means that the trauma has been ongoing for a very long time, and isn’t linked only to one particular event. Unfortunately it began at birth, and has continued to affect me for my whole life, with multiple other traumatic events happening throughout. All clearly linked to my childhood experiences. I’m a senior now, and it’s not possible for me to just avoid this issue anymore, because I’ve ceased being functional. I will definitely try to access some free or almost-free services. Thanks again for the support!

8 1Rating: +7

mixinbeets

Jul 17, 2020 at 9:09am

I have started my own therapy at home with books and facebook groups with people who know what I'm going through and have experience to share. It's been incredibly helpful for me! Also books like "the body keeps the score" by bessel van der kolk and "complex ptsd from surviving to thriving" by pete walker. You will see these recommended a lot for c-ptsd and they are life changing. If you are tech-savvy the library offers online versions and some of the audio books are on youtube. All the best to you op!

7 0Rating: +7

Check this guy out

Jul 29, 2020 at 3:11pm

Free.

On Youtube:

Spartan Life Coach / Fortress Mental Health (Richard Grannon) posts on healing from CPTSD.

My life changed 360 cuz of him. And I've been through a lot.

Bonus: He's funny AF :)

Best of Luck.

0 1Rating: -1

Join the Discussion

What's your name?