Another perspective

I think perspective is everything. We each have a unique one. I’d like to point that out to some people who are so smug about how they’ve always managed to overcome challenges and keep on going. They look down on someone who’s really struggling, accusing them of not trying, etc. But do these same people ever stop to consider that one of the reasons that they’ve been able to do that, is because of the love, support, understanding, and actual assistance (like financial or something physically tangible) of other people? Someone like me for instance, who’s been there countless times to listen to them rant and cry and rage, helped them physically and loaned or gifted them money when they needed it? It blows my mind that they take ALL of the credit for their supposed remarkable resilience, strength, and positivity, as if they did it completely on their own. Like I’ve had to for example. I’ve had no one to turn to most of the time for my entire life. I’ve never had anyone bail me out of difficult financial situations or come over and clean my house when I’m feeling down or I’m sick. And yet when I’m the one who’s struggling, and even though I’ve told them how much, all I get from them is abuse and rejection and accusations of being lazy. I wonder what it would be like to have a cheerleader like me to help me weather those storms. It must be nice.

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Fall

Sep 28, 2020 at 8:59am

I don't know the details of your situation, so please only take this comment into consideration if it strikes a chord.

It sounds from your post like this person may not have added much value to your life in the first place. It's a really shitty feeling to give and not receive anything back when it matters, and I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.

However, imbalance is often the reality when it comes to human relationships and serves to teach us hard lessons about who deserves our attention and care and who will exploit or not appreciate it.

In addition, imbalance illuminates the reasons why we are giving in the first place and what adjustments need to be made with our own distribution of time and care.

It is autumn, a time for trimming off dying foliage – might it be time to cut ties with this unsupportive friend in order to redirect the energy where it needs to go?

12 2Rating: +10

Lesson

Sep 28, 2020 at 9:12am

Good work on recognizing this pattern. Don’t be there for people again in this way if you’ve learned they can’t reciprocate.

14 1Rating: +13

Think about

Sep 28, 2020 at 10:43am

people who truly have no one and how they might start stealing to survive and then maybe end up in jail. Having people to lean on is in itself a type of wealth !

8 3Rating: +5

Anonymous

Sep 28, 2020 at 3:22pm

Yes hard lessons from undeserving people always cut you to the quick.
Leaving you feeling empty and alone.
Not a nice plcae to be.
While they move on without a thought to your sacrifices.
Love hurts sometimes.
A world without love is nothing,
It will wither and die.

3 2Rating: +1

My best friend

Sep 28, 2020 at 6:57pm

of over twenty years, whom I used to always include in all my social plans and set up with men, got a serious boyfriend and suddenly informed me that she could not invite me to anything she does anymore because she does not want other women around her guy and his friends!! Talk about insecure and ungrateful!!

4 1Rating: +3

Expectations

Sep 28, 2020 at 8:21pm

Lower them. Not everyone can give love and compassion the way you do. Your friends are lucky to have you. Don’t ever give with the expectation of getting. That’s not real generosity. If you’re wiped out and tired of hearing people brag about being so strong then just choose not to listen. Don’t let their denial bother you. You do you and make sure you show yourself the love and compassion you show others.

3 5Rating: -2

@expectations

Sep 29, 2020 at 11:17pm

Sorry but I disagree. It’s just not rational to expect human beings to consistently give without any expectation of reciprocity. Unless you’re giving in a charitable situation or to children or adults who are completely incapable of reciprocal actions, it’s normal for people to expect that the recipients of your time, attention, financial help, or whatever, will reciprocate in some way. Otherwise there’s basically no point in having any type of friendship, romantic, or family relationships.

5 2Rating: +3

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