Cis Hetero Dating Rant

posted September 8th, 2020 at 3:23 AM

I'm a chick, so totally know I have it somewhat easier than a lot of men out there (even though I'm middle-aged), but OH MY GOD, I've been on 6 dates in the last month (on the phone and / or socially distanced) and I've had to say EVERY SINGLE TIME, "Hey there! It's been about 30 minutes and you haven't asked me a single question about myself!" And every single time, the guy laughs it off like it's not a big deal (and maybe I just attract that type of dude), but it's really annoying, so for whomever needs to hear it...: PEOPLE. Dates are NOT supposed to be a one-way interview, or all about offloading all of your garbage / issues onto someone else. Why do you see potential partners as potential dumping grounds for allllllll of your issues...? Get yourself some therapy before you jump into dating! Talk to your bros or sisters about your issues! Why aren't your friends helping you with them...? Why haven't YOU dealt with them?! Why can't you talk about anything other than yourself with absolute strangers...? I'm into solving the problems we get into together, TOGETHER - - but before that...? *DO YOUR OWN WORK!* Relationships are not therapy! Get your shit together. I don't want to talk about your last "crazy" partner, or "why you have family issues." These are examples of RELATIONSHIP CONVERSATIONS, and I'm not into having those until I know who you are. And if those issues *define* you as a person, you should likely already be in therapy for them before you try to meet other people! So many people complaining about being single, but that might be likely due to them just talking about their own goddamned selves the entire time they're around a potential partner. The world's best aphrodisiac is asking someone questions and showing true interest in their own life; y'all seem to know that much about your own damn selves! So flip the script and ask your dates the same.

48 Comments

Snobby

Sep 8, 2020 at 3:09pm

Six dates in a month and your complaining?

You would have to be a decent looking guy, with a good job, and significant resources to get six dates in a month.

If u think that's bad

Sep 8, 2020 at 3:23pm

The question I always get asked is if I live alone. Obviously these guys have great intentions.

Therapy may not be the answer!

Sep 8, 2020 at 3:36pm

You need to pick your therapist carefully. I booked an introductory session with a psychologist (PhD) a couple of years ago. He spent almost the entire hour and a half talking (mostly about himself and his own ideas). When I tried to talk about my problems with my manager (my reason for seeing him) he told me I should discuss that type of thing with my friends. He then charged me $300. Needless to say, I didn't go back....

isn't any relationship

Sep 8, 2020 at 3:55pm

offloading all your crap onto somebody else, but that you find attractive enough and like enough to not care? :)

I feel you

Sep 8, 2020 at 4:06pm

I tend to attract really self absorbed people and I don't know why. I feel like some people are almost attached to their issues in some weird way, as if they see it as part of their personality. I blame narcissism. OFten I feel almost invisible to these people who just want someone to listen to their bullshit and cater to their "needs". I dont even try anymore. I just spend time with my dog and fantasize about leaving this place. Good luck to you. I hope the future is better.

ooshpick

Sep 8, 2020 at 4:14pm

hahahah amazing post!

modarrt

Sep 8, 2020 at 4:23pm

In its 6th month of the pandemic there are a lot of stressors with many people. Being alone and single is one of them. This past spring/summer was a social write-off. You are a thoughtful person. Reflect on your own rants and see if you can re-think your demands of others. On-line dating is not the best option. As C-19 restrictions lift, and a vaccine becomes available, get social at events, meetups, etc. I feel your frustration, I can relate. Keep the faith in yourself, time is on our side.

Funny Thing

Sep 8, 2020 at 4:45pm

I've had many women accuse me of the same thing- after telling me everything about themselves for 30 minutes.
The reason I didn't ask them anything....is because I didn't need to.

@ Snobby
Don't forget 6' +

What?!!

Sep 8, 2020 at 5:10pm

What, self-absorbed Vancouverites?!! What?!!

Hahahaha

Sep 8, 2020 at 5:59pm

Hahahaha. Sorry, I just feel like that's very common to cis hetero dating. It's only very recently that we've started to self reflect and work on our baggage and short comings.