Give it up!

What's up with all the 40+ dudes dating online who say they want kids someday, Vancouver? I'm a 36 year old woman and I'm finding it hard to find someone 'my age' who is realistic. If you're meeting a woman your age, she's most likely not going to be able to safely have kids closing in on 40 - if she even wants them. These dude just got their heads in the clouds? Or are they just looking for a 25 year old (also sounds like head in the clouds, to me). It just seems unrealistic, and like you're going to miss out on awesome people looking for an experience you're most likely too old now to get or enjoy. I know, I know - it doesn't matter, dudes can be 60 and have a kid. But really, what you should say then is that you want to have kids with a much younger woman and then do none of the work.

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statistics

Sep 16, 2020 at 7:37pm

Vancouver is a very expensive place.
Can many 25 year old men afford a child?
Can many 25 year old women afford a child?
I think what happens is men start getting settled and around 40 they meet the 25 year old woman that has a child in mind. I see many examples of couples like this.
The 25 year old woman is desirable to the 40 year old man.
Is the 25 year old man desirable to the 25 year old woman?
Is the 25 year old man desirable to the 40 year old woman?

It's not worth a rant

Sep 16, 2020 at 7:41pm

When maybe .1% of 40+ guys want a kid for the first time.
And TBH any guy that does needs his head examined: he could be retired in 10 years, or take on a wife and new kid and be retired at 65 or 70.
Easy choice.

Well...

Sep 16, 2020 at 7:54pm

Maybe you’re reading a little too much into it? If a 40+ man in a dating profile says he would be open to kids someday, he’s not saying he’s not going to do any of the work, nor that he’s looking for a 25 year old. Believe me, a baby requires tons of work and both parents will be doing A LOT (laundry, cleaning bottles, sleep schedule, diapering, bathing, etc) Women can be fertile til they’re 40-45. It’s not common, but it’s still possible to get pregnant later in life. My baby was born just a couple months before I turned 39. Maybe I’m just genetically lucky (still get IDed in the liquor store when I wear a mask) but just saying you can deliver perfectly healthy babies later in life. And you never know, these guys may not be fertile (have viable healthy sperm), and you may be more fertile than them. To me, 36 is young, you’re in the prime of your life; go for whatever you want, enjoy the abundance in your choices while you have them.

24 9Rating: +15

New ageing

Sep 16, 2020 at 9:37pm

70 is the new 50 and 60 is the new 40. And according to the anti-marijuanna crowd, you're brain isn't even developed until you're 25. I'm new 42 myself and I think I could still raise some children. My grandfather started his family at the age of old 42 so I think, now that it's 90 years later, it would be easier than ever to start a family because of the better medical technologies available today. Maybe you're just being unrealistic.

Totally one of my red flags too!

Sep 16, 2020 at 10:35pm

If I see a guy on a dating site who is over 40 and they either want kids or aren't sure yet, I avoid them completely. It's actually the ones who aren't sure yet that really get me. How can you not know by age 40? I call BS on that one.

Yes

Sep 16, 2020 at 11:12pm

A certain man of 25 was very attractive to this woman when she was 40. (actually I was 39 when we met)
Loved blazing with him.

@new ageing

Sep 17, 2020 at 6:03am

I wish - I just turned 60 and feel more like 80! I've lived hard and fast though, so not really surprising. I decided long ago that I would rather wear out than rust out...

7 3Rating: +4

I hear you, OP

Sep 17, 2020 at 8:18am

The overly positive negation of reality by a couple of people in the comments is alarming. “I had a kid at 39 so my experience is applicable to all despite statistics!” and “my grandfather blah blah blah nothing about my grandmother blah blah medical advancements”.
I think people don’t pay attention to the fact that women can, and do, die during childbirth. The older a woman is, the more very real risks occur. It’s not ageist, it’s simple biology.

13 8Rating: +5

Adoption is a thing too

Sep 17, 2020 at 8:45am

Nobody wants to adopt older kids (e.g. 7-9). Perhaps having a kid might mean adopting a kid and giving them a warm, loving home and supportive upbringing as opposed to leaving them to an awful merry-go-round of foster homes. There's lots of kids in this world, but not enough parents.

22 2Rating: +20

It's just a tactic some of them use

Sep 17, 2020 at 12:08pm

Every dude I've contacted who put down "wants someday" backs right up as soon as I ask why they matched with me, since my profile says "doesn't want or have":

"OH, right, about that, no, I'm not committed to the idea, I'm just open to it"

It's just so they get more matches.

22 2Rating: +20

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