Groundhog Night

Every night. For years. Maybe a decade now. I lay awake unable to stop thinking about a relationship that should have worked. Should have happened. Why didn't it happen? Why the fuck didn't it happen? Then I drag myself out of bed, groggy and tired, snap my fingers and it's night again, on infinite loop.

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D. Herri

Sep 19, 2020 at 2:00pm

Maybe remove “should” from your vocabulary?

8 9Rating: -1

Wicked Games

Sep 19, 2020 at 2:15pm

I doubt they're doing the same, because they never felt the same. It wasn't as real for them as it was for you. You're not the first or the last to be taken in by a narcissist, or even by the one you encountered. You're likely not the only one out there scratching your head over them.

Communication & pride

Sep 19, 2020 at 2:45pm

What will people think?
This one question ruins so much potential. There are those who spend their lives with this question in the back of their heads, & it makes them hold back, shaping how they live their life, the choices they make & who they partner with because looking good to get the approval of others is more important than whether you are happy.
We give so much power to people outside of us that we make choices & decisions to please them at our own expense. Notice that those people live their own lives and do what they want. But because we worry about what they might think of you, you don't do things that would make you happy, you don't have what you want, & you aren't with the person you'd actually rather be with. Instead you do & say things that sabotage your happiness & convince yourself it's the right thing to do &, years later, here you are.
The number one avoidable problem in any relationship or potential relationship is communication. We don't really talk, we don't really listen, we hold back. Some of it is for pride, as in "if I say this, I lose power, I look weak, I look needy" but vulnerability is beautiful & you're in need... of their love. How will they know if you don’t share this? How can they give you what you need if you don't tell them? How will they know any of that when we play chess with our thoughts and feelings, trying to be strategic, in part for our pride, in part because, if you open up, your mind asks "what will others think?"
I want you to try something because you have nothing to lose at this point. It might fail, but you got an equal chance you might win & isn't 50% pretty good odds? It's better than Vegas, & regardless, the outcome will give you healing, that I can assure you because even closure feels way better than wondering with a side of night-numbing regret. Find them. Find this person and tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them you made a mistake. Tell them just what you're sharing on here, the sleepless nights, the endless desire, the soul-searching, all of it. Don't argue with this advice, you aren't psychic, you can't predict the future (and if you can, come with me to pick a winning lottery ticket but you can't so you don't know the outcome of ANYTHING), & you have nothing to lose. Especially as you're spending your life every night in misery due to unfinished business & how is that a way to live? Right?

16 5Rating: +11

Earths medicine

Sep 19, 2020 at 7:21pm

Smoke indica an hour before bed. Knock you right out.

10 4Rating: +6

A modest proposal

Sep 19, 2020 at 8:03pm

some of us a rather offended by the word groundhog; we recommend field beaver

9 5Rating: +4

@Wicked games

Sep 19, 2020 at 8:18pm

Stop right there. It’s a giant leap to assume that because the Op is obsessed with a relationship that didn’t work out, that means that the person they’re obsessed with was a narcissist!

In fact it’s just as likely that it’s the Op that’s the narcissist. (Op, if that’s not the case then I’m sorry. I’m just pointing out that it’s possible.)

I was intensely pursued (actually stalked) by a guy who I now realize was a complete psychopath. It was only after learning all about NPD, that I realized what I was dealing with. I now realize that I inspired his unmitigated rage because I didn’t fall into line like he expected me to.

So please don’t jump to conclusions just because someone says that they are obsessing about someone from their past.

16 4Rating: +12

I understand how you feel

Sep 19, 2020 at 9:22pm

But you say "that should have worked. Should have happened" which seems contradictory.
"Should have worked" suggested that it happened but didn't work.
But "Should have happened" suggests that it didn't happen.
Which is it?
Mine didn't happen, but it would have worked mind-blowingly for awhile.
Till he inevitably got bored of relationship based on electric sex, blazing & gaming, and movies & music.

I don't think of him every night tho'.

7 4Rating: +3

@communication

Sep 19, 2020 at 9:51pm

Some good points but who knows what the actual situation is. Maybe the one they miss is happily married with 3 kids living in another country. There are so many scenarios possible.

5 5Rating: 0

@Wicked Games

Sep 19, 2020 at 10:31pm

So from that, you jump to the conclusion of narcissism?
Speaks volumes of you.

13 6Rating: +7

Anonymous

Sep 20, 2020 at 6:04am

Shitty being trapped in the GH loop.
What ya gonna do about it ?
You know how to stop the loop right ?
You tell the girl or guy that you love her or him.
Which ever
The only way to stop the loop.
Or it keeps happening forever !
Apparently.
Great huh :)

3 1Rating: +2

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