Looper Moth

I have the biggest crush on this woman in my building. I've been obsessed with her for a few years, but it's really ramped up since March. I think isolating with the people in my bubble really made it obvious how unhappy I am. I've been in a shame rage spiral for so long I don't know even what's real anymore. I really wish I could tell her how I feel but I know it's too late and I don't have a right after all's said and done. I said and did horrible things and I just can't bring myself to look her in the eye. I have no life or anything to talk about but her. Watching her around the building is the highlight of my life. I guess that will have to keep me going.


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Sep 21, 2020 at 8:00pm

move before you do something stupid.

Definitely need to move

Sep 21, 2020 at 8:43pm

Years of obsessing over someone never leads to anything good. Especially when you know where they live and their daily schedule. Extra especially when the obsessor is locked into a "shame rage spiral." Not to be overly dramatic, but this does not sound like a good situation for either of you.


Sep 21, 2020 at 8:52pm

What the eff did you say or do to a total stranger in your building?

22 9Rating: +13

MC Escher

Sep 21, 2020 at 9:59pm

The fact that you have the insight to see your own shame/rage spiral is a good thing. It’s not easy to arrive at this level of awareness.

How about going on an addiction breaking spree? Often people like you or I who experience obsessive love or limerence tend to have other obsessive patterns too.

Pick your poison, then dump it literally or figuratively down the sink. Make space for new rituals, habits, hobbies that give your brain something to focus on if it is looping. Try home workouts, cooking, reading, anything that can serve as a distraction for the time being. You never know, these things may grow into a source of pure pleasure over time.

You CAN snap yourself out of this and get your life back. Believe me, fulfillment does not exist in the form of this person, it exists deep inside of you, Take care.

27 6Rating: +21


Sep 22, 2020 at 12:07am

Excellent advice. Trying to follow it.

8 4Rating: +4


Sep 22, 2020 at 9:24am

Yeah so this sounds an awful lot like stalking/criminal harassment. if you did something so bad you feel you should never speak to her again, that applies to watching her, too.
I will bet dollars to doughnuts that your obsession is actually with whatever fantasy version of her you've created in her mind and has little to do with who she actually is, anyway.

18 7Rating: +11


Sep 22, 2020 at 11:14am

You just won the 2020 Boiled Bunny Award for Creepy AF Post Of The Year.
Get an agent. This here needs a screenplay.

19 7Rating: +12

You should...

Sep 22, 2020 at 11:37am

... talk to her. Say

"hello. Where did you go to school? How old are you? Now that we know eachother a little bit better, want to come back to my place?"

6 15Rating: -9


Sep 22, 2020 at 2:14pm

I agree. The poor woman. She must be really compassionate and patient to put up with you. In the middle of pandemic...like things aren't stressful enough. Meanwhile you've been taking advantage. You're lucky she hasn't called the authorities on you. Anyone more judgemental would have. Patience is finite. Change or move.

10 7Rating: +3

Joe Public

Sep 22, 2020 at 4:23pm

The OP painted a picture where he's the bad guy so it's easy to attack him, but there is clearly more to the story. It sounds like they have interactions. Maybe she's part of why it all went south. Maybe they were friends and he fell for her while he's already in a relationship. Maybe he pulled away because of this and she didn't like the loss of attention. Maybe she lead him on. Maybe she intentionally destroyed his relationship, not even because she actually wanted him but (maybe)because she wanted control. Or maybe not, but all those maybes happened to me.

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