Are we together?

I’ve been dating this woman on and off for 2 years. We’re pretty similar in most ways but we’re in different places in our lives. She seems to want to make a big life change and make lots of money so she can go ahead with those goals. Commendable I will admit but I’m at a place where I’m not really looking to get super serious about moving in with her and putting my nose to the grindstone to make the cash it might take to fulfill a big life change. She talks about moving to another country or buying property etc. I know I’m kind of being an irresponsible child but I’m genuinely more interested in hanging out with my friends and drinking. I know that’s not very “smart” but at the moment it’s making me happy. I was at her house last week and was over thinking some stuff and I ended up being short with her and being pretty rude but I’m bad at communicating my feelings so I didn’t explain myself and I think I hurt her feelings. I have feelings for her and I hope she’s okay but she hasn’t called me since then and I haven’t tried to call her either. Things have been pretty all over the place for the last few months (in many ways for obvious reasons and personal reasons). I kind of don’t want to call her and I am sort of hoping she doesn’t call me so we can just move on. We have a lot of fun together but it has become strained due to different lifestyles. Am I being a coward by not just breaking if off? I’m almost positive she’s aware that I’m not into her idea of what the future holds so even though it’s not ideal, I’d rather assume she’s given up on me and let it fizzle silently. I’d honestly be sort of relieved if we just ghosted each other. Is there too much history for that? Am I a total douche bag if I don’t call her and apologize? Should I pull my head out of my ass and try to be a better boyfriend? She’s a catch but maybe I’m not right now. I’d appreciate any feedback, good or bad. Thanks for reading.


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Why you should talk to her face to face

Oct 16, 2020 at 5:44pm

I can lace into you, OP, about being immature, selfish and irresponsible. I'm sure others will or have and ooops, I just did too, haha! The thing is, it's not your life choices that's of issue because it's your life and when you're ready, you're ready. What's wrong is to handle things this way. Not just what you did, but the cowardly way you posted on here, as if to hope she sees it. That's far worse.
If she was a monster, we'd get it, but she wasn't. And because she was a decent person that you liked, she deserves for you to come clean.
There will never be the right words because all words will lead to a result that she may be unhappy about. Face it, you're more concerned that she'll react and hurt your feelings. That's the crappy part.
Man up. You're breaking up with her. Let her have her reaction, because it's closure for both. Also, you really don't know how she'll react. Give her some credit the same way you'd hope she'd give you the same for at least being straight forward and honest to her face. It's the way a real man handles things. You're a real man. Own it.
BTW, the way you wrote it in here? Say all that to her. You do have the words and the best words are honest as well as kind.

Yes. So many.

Oct 16, 2020 at 5:57pm

Yes, you’re being a jerk. You’re behaving like a very immature person. However, you will be doing this woman a HUGE favour if you just break up with her and get it done. You’re obviously not ready to give up your fun times for anything more serious. You owe her the closure that she obviously deserves. I also have a prediction for you: you’re going to be looking back on this time in your life and wondering how you could have been such a complete idiot. But don’t let that bother you, because you’ve got a whole lot of growing up to do before you’re ready to be anyone’s significant other.

Half a doubt

Oct 16, 2020 at 7:10pm

Let her go. Your priorities have her positioned below your friends. She obviously isn't "The One" for you. Even if there's half a doubt about her being the most important thing in your life, walk away, better for everyone involved.

I was going to say

Oct 16, 2020 at 7:14pm

I was going to say that you are a child for your lack of communication & respect to this person that you have been screwing for the last two years, however, I actually think most children know how to treat people better than you do! So yes get lost and get out of her life, you are doing her a favour, I feel sorry for her since this is likely going to be a blow to her self esteem, you couldn’t be bothered to treat her/ end it with decency.

In the future, live by the Golden Rule : Treat others how You would like to be treated.

My dear boy

Oct 16, 2020 at 7:30pm

You're going to end up with a really difficult poor health nothing to show for middle age loser life like mine if you don't sober yourself the fuck up NOW!


Oct 16, 2020 at 8:32pm

Few weeks ago was a very similar post,clearly not written by a guy.
Come on.

You sound like

Oct 16, 2020 at 9:57pm

all the Vancouver guys I wasted time on in my 20’s. No ambition, wants everything from the girl but never reciprocates on the same level, lazy, selfish and STUPID. Stop smoking weed and drinking and do something real with yourself. At least the fact that you wrote this shows that you sort of want to be better. You kind if know you’re being a rude prick and wasting her time. At the very least, have the guts to talk to her like a mature adult. (I know it’s hard for you!)

Do her a favour

Oct 16, 2020 at 10:07pm

You seem really indifferent which means your feelings for her have waned to the point of non existent. If you’re choosing your bar mates over her then the choice is pretty clear.


Oct 16, 2020 at 10:11pm

Why do you say not written by a guy? It’s possible that different people are experiencing similar problems.


Oct 17, 2020 at 12:05am

Same sentence structure,key words,and phraseology.
I studied linguistics.

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