I’ve been dating this woman on and off for 2 years. We’re pretty similar in most ways but we’re in different places in our lives. She seems to want to make a big life change and make lots of money so she can go ahead with those goals. Commendable I will admit but I’m at a place where I’m not really looking to get super serious about moving in with her and putting my nose to the grindstone to make the cash it might take to fulfill a big life change. She talks about moving to another country or buying property etc. I know I’m kind of being an irresponsible child but I’m genuinely more interested in hanging out with my friends and drinking. I know that’s not very “smart” but at the moment it’s making me happy. I was at her house last week and was over thinking some stuff and I ended up being short with her and being pretty rude but I’m bad at communicating my feelings so I didn’t explain myself and I think I hurt her feelings. I have feelings for her and I hope she’s okay but she hasn’t called me since then and I haven’t tried to call her either. Things have been pretty all over the place for the last few months (in many ways for obvious reasons and personal reasons). I kind of don’t want to call her and I am sort of hoping she doesn’t call me so we can just move on. We have a lot of fun together but it has become strained due to different lifestyles. Am I being a coward by not just breaking if off? I’m almost positive she’s aware that I’m not into her idea of what the future holds so even though it’s not ideal, I’d rather assume she’s given up on me and let it fizzle silently. I’d honestly be sort of relieved if we just ghosted each other. Is there too much history for that? Am I a total douche bag if I don’t call her and apologize? Should I pull my head out of my ass and try to be a better boyfriend? She’s a catch but maybe I’m not right now. I’d appreciate any feedback, good or bad. Thanks for reading.