Beyond frustrated

**rant warning** I am seeing someone that I love very much, but his lack of communication skills is creating a huge barrier between us. He has a tendency to constantly offer “advice” in spite of me having specifically told him repeatedly that I don’t want advice unless I ask for it. He seems incapable of being compassionate or empathetic in many circumstances, even when I tell him directly that I could use some empathy. There are so many times when all you need is just a shoulder and someone to talk to! When someone is always telling you what you “should” do, what they’re actually doing is telling you that you’re not competent enough to make your own decisions or that your own way of doing things is not the “right” way. I have known him for a long time and we’ve broken up and reconciled many times, almost always due to this same issue. I had been feeling very optimistic this last time because it felt like we were communicating much better than ever, but now I feel completely defeated again. I just think that he’s completely incapable of ever changing his behaviour. And please, before you all jump all over me and say that it must be something I’m doing wrong, I can say with confidence that it’s NOT that. I have watched him do the exact same thing over and over again with other people too. It’s a family trait (his immediate family does the same thing also).

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Girl

Oct 21, 2020 at 6:05pm

its not you, its just your taste in shitty men.

He sounds insufferable

Oct 21, 2020 at 6:08pm

Give him a mirror so he can go mansplain to someone else. Massive turn-off; I would’ve DTMFA. Huge clue is that you feel defeated. This is not a good relationship for you.

Maya Angelou

Oct 21, 2020 at 6:33pm

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Darcy

Oct 21, 2020 at 6:57pm

Run...DO not walk, run. It will not get better. You probably keep hoping it will get better but it won't. The behaviour is being shown over and over again.

I think

Oct 21, 2020 at 6:57pm

men have an innate trait to want to fix things

I listened to a girlfriend complain of absolutely everything you did
I think this happens quite frequently

Tough love

Oct 21, 2020 at 7:29pm

He’s not going to change. You are wasting time with this person and getting nowhere. What does the future hold for the two of you? More of the same.

Sounds like the person you should focus on loving is yourself.

25 9Rating: +16

This relationship is doomed I think!

Oct 21, 2020 at 8:11pm

It seems like you want him to be someone he is not. You have to either accept his personality or decide it is a deal breaker an d move on with your life without him. You can’t really expect him to change- this is who he is. You said his family is this way as well, you don’t like it and he’s not changing-so in the end your choice is clear.

24 9Rating: +15

It's not him, It's you

Oct 21, 2020 at 11:53pm

He is who he is. You know who he is, and you keep going back to him. Really, who is to blame for that? That's acceptable to you and you accept him, or you just move on and don't look back, right? He might behave differently for the next one even though that's doubtful., but as for you, he knows too well he owns you, he's all that you know, and you'll always come back.

24 9Rating: +15

Fuck that its she

Oct 22, 2020 at 4:24am

And this is finally test of the repair the space that was our relationship or restore the pieces taken so both people can live free of pain guilt or shame. I know its hurting you too because I know why we feel so connected more and more drugs won't fix it. Please trust one time we can be free of it both of us but He wants us to fix it and move on or whatever !

5 12Rating: -7

Communication is the root of your problem

Oct 22, 2020 at 4:56am

Women need a sounding board, and to be heard and acknowledged so they can be empowered to make their own decisions.
Men present issues looking for solutions; by seeking help, this is how they include others and be vulnerable.
Show him this so he can understand how you both communicate differently.
If he can't or won't do it after showing him this, he isn't mature enough to be in a relationship. That is, he's too focused on his own needs to be able to share. When he's ready to be in a relationship, he can work well in a team, which is what you're ready for.
You need to be prepared to accept a possibility of this not working out, and to let go so you can make room for someone who is at that level of development.

11 7Rating: +4

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