The Canadian dream

I know some people who had given in to pressures. Peer pressure, with all their friends coupling off; family pressure, especially if you're in an ethnic household and you're the only one to carry the linege; work... I guess that's another peer pressure thing where to get ahead to be like everyone else; and self-imposed goals where we "shoulda" all over ourselves (I should get married, I should have a house, etc). You settle and tell yourself it's the right thing to do & be. You get someone who ticks the right boxes to satisfy the "shouldas", letting go of wishes and desires, making lists of everything wrong with those things you know you want. It's comfortable, it's okay. And as you accept this, along comes the kind of person who challenges you, wakes you up, excites and even scares you. You feel alive, you feel tall, you realize exactly what's missing. And you can't have them. Well, you can if you want to tear up everything and disappoint everyone who pressured you to join their lifestyle. You think they'll be upset, anyway. Then you talk yourself out of it. You're good at this, almost expert at it. You quietly drink yourself into submission when you get home from work to numb the mind, bury yourself in quiet solitude of hobbies to distract and try not to think of the life you're afraid to live because it means walking away from guarantees to gamble on unknowns, and, on days where you're so fed up, when you gather the courage you realize your fears are louder than you. And you have another drink, stay in your workshop and hope enough time passes to convince yourself that it's too late now when you know it never ever is.


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The Canadian Dream

Oct 29, 2020 at 7:04pm

Is just another phrase for American Dream..... because all we care about is the good ol US of A & it's culture & values & be like them

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Oct 29, 2020 at 7:31pm

I think this post is likely intended toward a gay guy living the hetero life (obviously i could be wrong) but anyway, I relate to overall theme minus that part. When you're already happy and then someone comes along and disrupts all that...well nothing good comes from it I think. I attempted to be honest with everyone. Big mistake. The partner dumped me. The new person thought I wanted them as a side, and did not like me trying to distance myself to get over it either. Nothing worked out there. When the partner took me back I clutched on and tried to shut out thoughts of the other...for like a decade.

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Very well written OP

Oct 29, 2020 at 7:34pm

I'm guessing most of any downvotes are by women who hate the idea of "happily ever after" being bullshit.
Some will tell you you've done a terrible thing, being married (& with kids?) and falling in love with someone else, but that's life and marriage is not a failsafe.
So are you going to destroy your liver, or are you going to have a talk with your partner?
There were 3 guys I could have married, but we argued a lot and/or had different values/goals and I realized that we either would have divorced or been miserable.
Your confession reminds me of that old song that goes "Isn't it sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along".
Good luck

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Actually there is a time when it's too late

Oct 29, 2020 at 7:38pm

When you are dead.

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True, however

Oct 29, 2020 at 7:55pm

Life ends at anytime, and the world will end in it's time. At sometime it will be too late, with no time coming after. Sometimes to get what you know is right you to first let go of something that you know is wrong.

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@ Anonymous

Oct 29, 2020 at 9:30pm

They didn't disrupt anything. Your mind wanted something but your heart or ego wanted something else, and you disrupted both of them.

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That sounds a lot like

Oct 29, 2020 at 9:35pm

the gay closet- case that was me, until I turned 30 . That's when I finally took the big chance and completely changed my life. Unfortunately, my old life was left in shambles. On the upside, I was still unmarried and childless at that point, but twenty-two years later some people still haven't forgiven me for "going rogue" and disappointing my family.
I did have some emotional difficulties to navigate in the beginning, but I have absolutely no regrets about it now. I'm glad I finally got past my fear of disapproval and found the courage to be true to myself instead. I wish I had done it sooner.

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Oct 30, 2020 at 2:01am

Your post is bang on. I was living a life that I thought I was supposed to, for many years. I had kids, got married, got an education, got a job I hated but was very good at, got a house, etc., but inside I felt like I was dying. It got to the point that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Finally a crisis forced me to wake up and rediscover who was hiding inside my prison cell life, and I got a divorce and moved out of the burbs and back to where I felt more like me. Unfortunately, I wound up falling for someone completely chaotic a short time later, and I ended up even worse off than before. But, I’d still do it all over again, with the one caveat that I’d be much more careful with my heart! I’m old now, and definitely the time has passed for me to be able to pursue some of the dreams I once had, so I implore any of you young people to stop worry so much about what you should do, and put a lot more energy into doing what you WANT to!

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Oct 30, 2020 at 2:05am

I'll bet the other one never knew you didn't want them as a side piece. That's why you gotta spell it out for people, even if you think they know. Often, they don't and are surprised. Hints often fail. People really are that oblivious. That they didn't want you to distance and got mad tells you a lot, too. They genuinely wanted you.
A decade, huh? And they way you speak of it now, like it's still fresh.
If someone was on my mind that long, I'd track them down and try one last time, regardless of their status. Why? Schroedinger's cat. Until you open the box, you got a 50 50 shot.
I wonder how vivid it is for them, especially as they were emotionally charged too. You'd think things fade when we get older but, if anything, they really don't. It's like it was only a month or two away for things like that.

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@@ Anonymous

Oct 30, 2020 at 2:46am

Why would you possibly think you know what happened?

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