Damned if I do

...and dammed if I don’t. I had a huge falling out with two very close family members. They accused me of things that weren’t true, and have been generally very emotionally and verbally abusive. Instead of lashing out at them or trying to defend myself against their baseless accusations, I elected to just back away from them completely. Unfortunately, they’ve bad-mouthed me so much to my other family members that now those people won’t speak to me either. So now I’m faced with a terrible decision: do I maintain my dignity and refuse to be drawn into the drama they so obviously love, or do I reach out to the whole family by trying to defend myself and explain my side of the story? I’m just heartbroken about this. I have truly done nothing to deserve this (their attacks happen sporadically out of the blue for no apparent reason, and no matter what I do or say, I’m always “wrong” in their eyes.) and it’s so incredibly unfair. I just don’t know what to do.


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Oct 1, 2020 at 12:45pm

Why is it the people closest to us always hurt us the most ?
Because these were the people we gave our trust and love too, and hopefully they will love us in return.
Family doesn't always work that way.
The closer they are to you, the more chances to hurt you, use you.
Because you trusted them.
Why would they lie, they love you !
Its sad when it happens.
Like Family Feud.
All for money and show !

I hear you

Oct 1, 2020 at 12:59pm

so many of us have toxic families and we hang on hoping it will get better .because who wants to be alone without the people you love. but imo you should let them go and find good friends to make your own loving and supportive family. take care and don't let them destroy you.

Fight Back

Oct 1, 2020 at 2:18pm

Don't take their shit. If you don't defend yourself they will think you are guilty.
Compose a nice/nasty email and CC it to everyone concerned.

22 9Rating: +13

My two cents...

Oct 1, 2020 at 3:39pm

Gas them. Cut them out of your life NOW. It will only get worse. They sound toxic. Who needs that? You will be better off without their crap. I’ve been there. I wish you well.

31 6Rating: +25

You might want to

Oct 1, 2020 at 4:18pm

replace those feelings of hurt and victimization with some righteous anger. It would be justified.
Being unassertive in your response is not going to work, not with family members like that. Good luck.

19 8Rating: +11

Wait it out

Oct 1, 2020 at 5:37pm

Smear campaigns tend to run their course once everyone starts to see through them.

20 8Rating: +12

Don't change

Oct 1, 2020 at 6:21pm

I don't know you or your story. Doesn't matter. If you feel slighted don't change if you don't want to. Be true to who you are. Sometimes being true to yourself means loss. But more than anything, you will look back, regardless of how it turns out knowing you did what was best for you. Bend for someone else and sh*t could go sideways and just as easily get worse.

16 7Rating: +9

Don't play

Oct 1, 2020 at 6:26pm

You're their pawn right now. Walk away and don't play. They will move on and find another family victim.

15 6Rating: +9


Oct 1, 2020 at 6:30pm

The thing is that if your family members that weren't originally involved immediately chose to believe your toxic family members... that's not a good sign. If they respected you, they would check in with you and reach out to you first before cutting contact. For your own peace of mind, you may want to send out a mass email then block everyone or just completely let it go and move on with your life. These people have shown themselves not to be on your side or even willing to give you the benefit of the doubt so is it really worthwhile?

20 8Rating: +12


Oct 2, 2020 at 8:48am

Been there, done that..............back away, back far far away. Those who are true to you will be there for you. you know what is true, take comfort in that. They can think what they want, that is their stuff not yours to weigh you down.

10 4Rating: +6

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