I’ve had a severe depression for several years now, after I became disabled and lost my job as a result. I’ve tried antidepressants and while they helped keep me alive, I also felt so ~meh~ that I went off of them just to feel something at all. The worst part for me is the feeling of absolute numbness. I’m also an artist and I haven’t done any art in about 2 years. I just feel nothing. Thanks to the physical problems as well as the depression (a vicious cycle and a which-came-first situation) I have severe fatigue and pain, making it very hard to even stay awake many days. I’m struggling to find enough strength and energy to overcome the crash of my self confidence that happened after losing my career (I was a professional and an artist on the side). I want to work but I feel so fragile that the thought of actually putting myself out there again is so terrifying that the anxiety is paralyzing. I miss creating and I’m scared that this time it’s gone for good.