Marriage and family

My mother has started to ask the marriage question and I told her that I’m too stressed to think about being in relationship. When she asked me what I’m so stressed about I don’t give her a proper answer because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. What I am stressed about is my families financial situation... we’re doing okay as in mortgage and bills get paid and we have enough for groceries and medications but that’s it.. no extra savings for any big emergencies and with our track history we always have new problems popping up. Right now my family has me so I help out as much as I can however if I were meet someone and things went great how am I suppose to afford a wedding? And once we are married how am I suppose help out my family and start a new life with my husband? I don’t know. I think I’ll just avoid relationships, marriage and be single forever.

13 Comments

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Good choice OP

Oct 21, 2020 at 6:06pm

Family first.
And being single can be great!

Anonymous

Oct 21, 2020 at 6:12pm

afford a wedding? weddings are a scam and can cost as much or as little as you'd like. My wife and I married in Thailand. I think it cost less than 200$. Guess you need to decide what is important to you. For my wife and I the important part was BEING married, not impressing friends, family.

Lots of people get married without an expensive wedding

Oct 21, 2020 at 8:16pm

Get off of social media and focus on what truly matters. All the stuff that the media tell you is important is actually NOT important. A fancy ring, a big dress, a fancy house, a new car. It’s not important- what matters is making a honest living and being kind to each other. Find someone who accepts you for you and who is loyal and considerate. Someone who will hold back your hair when you are puking and have diarrhea from stomach flu. That’s what is REALLY important.

Best of luck and maybe relax a bit!

13 9Rating: +4

You’re not a cow

Oct 21, 2020 at 8:17pm

From the sounds of it you’re thinking that your family is going to have to pay for a giant wedding for you. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing? I’m a woman who has been married and divorced more than once, and I’ve never done the big wedding thing. It’s ridiculous! In fact, I think it’s the biggest scam going. Convince people that in order to impress your relatives and even people you don’t know is to host a lavish wedding. It’s completely stupid in every way. The money wasted on one day could be much better spent on a down payment on a house or any number of other important things. The stress put on the bride in particular, who in turn puts it on everyone around her, could be completely avoided. If you love someone and want to make a commitment to them, there should be no need for a huge and costly event that only benefits the wedding industry and literally no one else.

Your post

Oct 22, 2020 at 12:26am

brings up an interesting topic that I think a lot of women face. We no longer have a ‘dowry’ system, but after years of dating I do think that there is pressure on young women to bring family-sourced resources to the table. My parents and grandparents were well off but cut me off at a young age, and it was a turn off for a lot of guys I dated that I was pretty much ‘on my own.’ It’s messed up but there does seem to be an emerging trend of male gold diggers!! I think it’s better for women to be single these days, it’s just all too confusing.

Not sold separately

Oct 22, 2020 at 7:20am

Put it out there, some are OK with it. Big fat Greek wedding types of family... Everyone in everyone's business.

4 5Rating: -1

@Your Post

Oct 22, 2020 at 9:22am

Why shouldn't there be male gold diggers? It's been the other way around for millenia. You wanted equality and you got it (plus more) and you can't pick and choose what aspects to keep or throw out.
It's 10 times better for men to remain single these days, what with all the punitive laws.

7 13Rating: -6

@You’re not a cow

Oct 22, 2020 at 9:39am

No, she is wondering how SHE can afford a wedding when she has to be a breadwinner for her family. It's pretty clear that they can't stand on their own feet enough to allow her to become her own person, set her own goals, move forward with her own life. And it's not like the wedding is the end-all-and-be-all for her; it's just an example of a major expense that one might have to tackle when in a serious relationship. She could have easily brought up the expense of raising a child or supporting a partner though a career change.

6 7Rating: -1

Snackster

Oct 22, 2020 at 11:37am

Next time she asks, say something like "I don't think I could ever be a decent mother, seeing as I never had one of my own".

4 7Rating: -3

@@Your Post

Oct 22, 2020 at 1:47pm

No, the system that forced women to be dependent on men is extremely different from men just kind of voluntarily treating women like now we have to bring money to the table for them, when actually men still get paid more and are offered more opportunities than women. It’s an example of how men try to twist women’s lib around and act like it’s an even playing field when clearly there is still institutionalized and systemic sexism everywhere. They just try to find new ways for women to be the ‘losers’ in the system, such as trying to make women now feel bad if they don’t have their own resources in a world that still discriminates against women unfairly. The end result is that the men hope we get so frustrated that we just give up and return to the kitchen!! Not gonna happen fellas, and you’re still the ones with the privilege so no you can’t expect your girlfriend to support you!!!!

10 7Rating: +3

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