I went through a divorce about 20 years ago. At the time we only had one child still living at home, with the others having moved out as young adults. The divorce had been years in the making, although my ex and I were still amicable and no lawyers were needed since we split our assets without them being needed. As I was very worried about the impact of it on my youngest (early teens), once we had told the kids about our decision, we took him to therapy to help him work through any concerns he had. Unfortunately, he fooled us all and convinced both us and the therapist that he was very well-adjusted and could handle it. We shared joint custody and my ex bought out my share of our house and our youngest chose to stay in that home primarily, with visits to me on weekends. I remained as involved as usual with his school, and I handled all of the usual medical and dental appointments and shopping for clothes, etc. What I didn’t know was that my ex had completely fallen apart and had completely disengaged as a parent in the process. Our youngest was led to believe that I was totally to blame for the breakup, and my ex encouraged him to think that I wasn’t paying child support and that I had “abandoned” him. As a result, my son became very reluctant to come for visits, and was very rebellious towards me. I had no way of knowing what was going on in their house until my kids told me many years later. The damage has been long term. My son suffers from severe depression and anxiety. Our relationship is still very tumultuous. He has a huge amount of anger towards me, and I’m sure that much of it is because of the misinformation he was fed as a child that he still believes. If only I’d known what was taking place, I could have fought for primary custody. I would have insisted on joint therapy to help him understand what was going on. Now he’s an adult, and he’s still suffering from our decision to divorce. So for anyone considering a divorce right now where children are involved, PLEASE take my advice and make sure that you really know what’s going on when you’re not around.