Cheapskate

I’m seeing a guy who I’ve known for a long time. Right now I’m ready to throw in the towel because he is so childish and so ridiculously cheap. Seriously, it’s just incredible. He won’t come out and just say how he feels. Instead, he “punishes” me every time I insist on my boundaries being respected (I tell him he can’t use up all the food or I tell him what groceries he needs to buy, etc) by withdrawing and making up some bogus excuses for why he can’t see me. “The gas is too expensive.” “I have an appointment 6 days from now.” Etc. So childish! These things ONLY happen when I’ve told him that he needs to pay his fair share of the expenses I incur because he’s spending so much time at my place. His cheapness knows no bounds. He’s not being “ thrifty”. This is unadulterated cheapskate territory. He literally will do absolutely anything to avoid paying for anything. Sure, he’s debt-free and yay for him. But he’s only managed to do that because he gets everyone else to subsidize him for everything. Including his family and the few friends he still has. Now he’s asking me if I’m sad because he just told me he’s not coming over this weekend. No dude, I’m not sad. I’m DONE.

22 Comments

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I guess

Nov 19, 2020 at 12:10am

the only logical question is, if you already knew him for a long time, why on earth would you want to date him? You must have already known all this about him?

Anonymous

Nov 19, 2020 at 12:36am

...and yet you are the one who has been dating him for so long.

Please don't think the losers who check support have your best interests at heart. Most are miserable types without hope of ever having a relationship.

New dating motto

Nov 19, 2020 at 7:14am

If there’s no ebb and flow, dude’s gotta go.
Need to control me? Don’t get to bone me!

34 8Rating: +26

He sounds gross

Nov 19, 2020 at 7:17am

I can barely stand to have friends who are this miserly. I would never bang or date a guy this pathetic. DTMFA. Oh wait a sec, you already did. Good job. There was a dude in our social circle who would remind people he overspent 5 cents in the shared party food. His dignity was worth 5 cents.

30 7Rating: +23

OMFG

Nov 19, 2020 at 7:46am

RUN!

22 6Rating: +16

Put in the effort

Nov 19, 2020 at 9:12am

I dated a girl once and we only spent time at her place. It was up to me to commute to her place from mine and/or my work taking only a small, reasonable amount of things to support my time there (changes of clothing, toiletries and little else). While I was there, I would help with her chores and the maintenance on her place. And we would go grocery shopping for food the split the cost. It would have been nice if she felt comfortable coming to my place. My place was/is clean, tidy, welcoming, and well-stocked so it's not like it's a terrible place to be. I think she just wanted her life to be uninterrupted - I was something that would appear on occasion to give her company and help. I had to be the one to put in the effort. It really just felt like there was nothing serious to the relationship and it wouldn't go anywhere. And it didn't.
Do/did you spent time at his place? If not, perhaps he felt the same way. Perhaps he was trying to get you to volunteer to put effort in to seeing him instead of him always having to put effort in to see you.
And perhaps he had hang-ups regarding money. Did he go through a period of poverty in his childhood that marked him deeply?

Yup

Nov 19, 2020 at 9:32am

I dated a couple of guys like this. You don't really think about it at first but then you do the math and realize how expensive it is to be in a relationship with them. The passive-aggressive punishment nonsense would be the deal breaker for me.

26 6Rating: +20

I can relate

Nov 19, 2020 at 9:59am

I have this "friend" whose more of an acquaintance now, who I've always been generous with. In the past, I gave him gift cards for Christmas even though he never gave me anything in return. If it was his birthday, I would pay for his meal if we met up. Years ago, he became a full-time student and was on a budget. I always paid the bill when we went to go get lunch or whatever, and didn't lord it over him. He ended up getting a job where he makes more money than I do ... but never volunteered to pick up the check when we went out. He just sort of erased all the times I paid for the both of us. I've never said anything but it does annoy me. The thing is though, its not that he's cheap or thrifty, he just doesn't really give a shit about me or value our friendship. If he's seeing a woman, he will spend on her like there's no tomorrow because he actually values that relationship. So the lesson I've learned about people like your boyfriend is that their freeloading nature is a sign that they don't really care about us. It's okay to be thrifty like, "hey, can we go to Pizza Hut instead of The Keg, but not okay if they just take an take while offering nothing in return. The last straw was when we went out for my birthday and I ended picking up the tab for both of us.
We only stay in touch through email now for old time's sake, and I'm okay with that. He never wanted to do anything much with me anyway, even free activities like hiking etc. because he never really wanted to spend time with me full stop. Just liked the free food I guess. I think you're making the right decision OP. If you've got a moocher in your life, cut 'em loose.

35 6Rating: +29

Get out now

Nov 19, 2020 at 10:24am

It gets worse, trust me.

31 7Rating: +24

Once upon a time

Nov 19, 2020 at 11:21am

I knew a girl dating a cheapskate. She won a trip to Jamaica and boy was he surprised when, after bragging to everyone that he was going to Jamaica WITHOUT EVEN DISCUSSING HER WIN WITH HER, she broke up with him and took her best friend instead.

41 6Rating: +35

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