So alone

I'm a late bloomer when it comes to love and romance. I didn't even go on my first date until I was 22. Soon after that first date, I met my first boyfriend who I had all my other firsts with: first kiss, first time I had sex, first parents I met,... and we were together for over 5 years. I think it lasted 4 years longer than it should have because, it took me so long to have someone, I was afraid it would be my only chance. And he used to tell me that too: "You'll never find someone as good to you as me." It's been almost 3 years since we'd broken up. I've had some casual relationships since then, and that's been nice. I've learned more about myself and more about what I want and need in a partner. And I've had something close to a serious relationship during that time, but he ultimately wasn't ready. We broke up despite telling each other we were falling in love. That was 2 years ago. He's in a committed relationship with someone much better suited for him now. It hurts, but I wish them well. All this to say: I feel so alone. Despite my growth, I'm really starting to think maybe that first boyfriend was right. I feel so unlovable. And with this pandemic lasting for as long as it has and the prevalence of ghosting on these dating apps, I don't know what to do. I'm certain I'm not the only one who feels this way, and yet there is nobody to talk to about it. I just want to feel less alone.

21 Comments

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One word dude....

Nov 29, 2020 at 2:10pm

Grindr....

Butt

Nov 29, 2020 at 2:29pm

I'll have a blue
Bag aching Christmas

8 17Rating: -9

Anonymous

Nov 29, 2020 at 3:16pm

You sound like a great catch, and your ex sounds like a loser. You will find someone better!

You'll Be Alright...

Nov 29, 2020 at 3:18pm

Your first boyfriend wasn't right. If you were that unlovable he wouldn't have stuck around for 5 years. He was probably just projecting his own insecurities on to you. You will find someone. We all go through phases where we are alone and it can be scary. That's not a flaw. It's normal. Have faith. Your time will come.

The apps

Nov 29, 2020 at 4:07pm

Do your mental health a favour and get off any dating apps. They were bad enough before Covid and are likely intolerable now.

32 6Rating: +26

No way

Nov 29, 2020 at 4:16pm

When someone says something like that to you, “You’ll never find someone as good to you as me”, it’s flat out manipulation and abuse so don’t fall for it. Ever. You really think the best part of you life was the past when you lacked confidence? Your best years are ahead of you: work, money, friendships, love. We’re hunkered down now but this is all temporary. Forget about that loser that tried to make himself a hero in your life for accepting the naive you. You’ll reap much greater achievements in your future, I promise.

39 9Rating: +30

If...

Nov 29, 2020 at 4:41pm

.. you are a girl (first commentor) doesn't seem to think so, this is a very common scenario. "Oh, he's not good enough," even though there's nothing that wrong with him (he's not abusive, he doesn't gamble, he doesn't go to prostitutes, etc. etc.) and then bam, you're nearing 30 and unmarried.

jamie76

Nov 30, 2020 at 3:02am

Please don't fall into the manipulative trap of allowing anyone else to tell you how you should feel about yourself! "No Way" said it perfectly - your 5-year guy was totally projecting his sh*t onto you because of his own insecurities/personality flaws & issues, it had nothing to do with who you are as a loving, caring, decent person. Hunker down with some good (enlightening) books, this lock-down pandemic is temporary, and a really good opportunity to do some serious self-reflection. And never forget - beauty fades, but an emotionally unhealthy attitude is usually forever... don't sell yourself short, or settle just so you can be with someone. I've always found it's better to be single and alone than in a relationship and lonely - you have to have a partner you can communicate with - the honeymoon/exciting phase of a new relationship ends, and maybe don't be so quick to attach the phrase 'falling in love' - more often than not you're actually 'falling in lust'... or falling in 'Yay! I have value - someone WANTS me!' You DO have value, and someone WILL want you - but keep your eye on the prize, the other person should be just as excited that YOU want THEM! Good luck & best wishes :)

16 7Rating: +9

Anonymous

Nov 30, 2020 at 9:49am

A few thoughts....The first is my old long term boyfriend used to say that to me ("you'll never find anyone as good as me" etc), and it was, as one of the other responders said, a tool of manipulation that stemmed from his own insecurities. In fact, I thrived when we broke up. It took me a long time to get into another serious relationship (8 years) but, like you, I learned so much about myself during that time. I had a lot of casual relationships and enjoyed them immensely. I know covid is fucking with this, but try to enjoy the casual relationships. You'll find someone eventually. In the meantime, learn, learn, learn! My 30s were such an amazing time romantically (so there is nothing wrong with being 30 and unmarried, my god. whoever wrote that is wrong!)

You sound like you're still pretty young and have a lot of time ahead to explore and learn and find love. Don't give up..and maybe try to find some other single friends to talk to about it all? There's an option on Bumble to make friend connections, as an option. And remember we are in a pandemic and everyone is struggling with dating. Sending you a virtual hug.

14 7Rating: +7

Red Flag!

Nov 30, 2020 at 10:13am

Don’t ever believe someone who says they’ll love you more than anyone ever will. That is mean and careless. Life is full of surprises. It can be cruel but if you spread peace and love it will return to you. You are loveable. It’s why you are loved. Stay strong. This pandemic has been hard for all of us. Chin up!

18 5Rating: +13

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