Bad (non)parent?

My gf thinks she wants kids, and im pretty sure i dont. People tell me its weird for a woman to not have that maternal need for a child, but i dont think its that. I like kids, i just dont want my own. Part of the reason is that i really like my time and freedom. Another that i dont want to always come second. My gf will inevitably put the kid ahead of everything, and i dont want to remain in the shadows. Is this a common concern for people? Or am i insecure?


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Dec 5, 2020 at 1:23pm

Babies aren't toys, and there are waaay too many people on this planet already. Make sure you really want a child and are prepared to support it for life. I'm not just talking about financial support.

27 5Rating: +22

Vasectomy guy

Dec 5, 2020 at 1:36pm

Your concerns are valid.
Besides, what kind of life are kids now going to inherit?

25 7Rating: +18


Dec 5, 2020 at 2:07pm

You are insecure, period.
That's just what happens when you have kids and if you can't handle it then you shouldn't have them. Stick to your plan and stay kid free. But you should also find someone who wants to stay kid free so there's no conflict between you and the partner.

You're both selfish

Dec 5, 2020 at 3:19pm

If you're going to have a child, you should always put your child first before your girlfriend and yourself. However I believe you're much too selfish to be a parent. I also believe your girlfriend is being selfish since the world is becoming more destabilized by the day. The nukes will be flying soon and your child will never have the chance to be born. But if by some miracle it does then chances are it'll come out resembling a radioactive mutated squid.

You’re insecure

Dec 5, 2020 at 3:22pm

And jealous. Great combo! Not having children would be the better choice for you.

9 23Rating: -14

A Parent

Dec 5, 2020 at 4:05pm

I felt like that in my 20s as I was very ambitious, but a pregnancy while on birth control at 30 changed the direction of my life. Now I have a 15 year-old who is going to change the world. It hasn’t always been easy, but seeing my wee one develop into a kind, compassionate, creative genius has been the most soul-fulfilling journey of my life.

Parenting isn’t for everyone. It takes more work and sacrifice than most people are willing to make in order to raise a decent human, but I can honestly say it’s been worth it. Even in a pandemic! Plus, we need more queer family representation, so I’m rooting for you! Stay safe xo


Dec 5, 2020 at 5:17pm

You both need to get clear on what you want and you need to leave if you don't want kids. There are us "weird" women out there who don't have a maternal need for a child.

27 5Rating: +22

Not unique

Dec 5, 2020 at 5:30pm

There are many women who don't want children, it's not weird or rare. With so many people in the world and so many bad parents, it's more selfish and insecure to have children than to not have children. Many people only have children because they want someone to look after them or pay their bills when they are old. Do not have children if you don't really want them. You do not have to abide to silly social norms and expectations.

37 5Rating: +32

Jo bin

Dec 5, 2020 at 5:54pm

I don't want kids for a lot of the same reasons. Ultimately, you need to do the right thing for you. It's not about insecurity. Many people have kids for the wrong reasons. The simple act of having kids doesn't make you a better person. Society loves to push that agenda, but ultimately, do what makes you happy. Obviously when you have a partner that becomes more complicated, and there will have to be a discussion to figure out priorities and if there's any way to move forward. But you shouldn't feel pressured to do something that's not right for you.

30 4Rating: +26


Dec 5, 2020 at 6:18pm

Yeah that's why I would never go into a relationship with a mother. You'll always be second, no doubt about it. Also energy is finite. Creating kids takes energy and biological mothers age much faster than non breeders.

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