Go direct

I msg’d a group that my frail mom’s best friend died of Covid. Not one person said anything. No condolences, no sorry to hear that, no virtual hugs, just radio silence with crickets. If you want to peer into someone’s soul and see what’s really there, go direct. I don’t feel any connection to any of these people now from the zero lack of feeling and no desire to ever “meet for drinks” in post-pandemic times.

16 Comments

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Anonymous

Jan 5, 2021 at 12:11pm

It's horrible that your friend died, I hope you and your mother are taking care in this horrible time. I have also wondered why the people around me don't show any care, I've learnt that often they don't know how or what to say, this is no excuse but it is a reason. This reason did not make me feel any more connectied to them, but hopefully it'll restore some faith in the souls of humanity.

18 5Rating: +13

Wil

Jan 5, 2021 at 12:24pm

Sounds like you're looking for a reason to dis your friends.
This is more about your expectations than your friends. What do you expect people to say, especially if they did not know your Mom, or her friend?
I know I would be non plussed by such a notice. I suspect you would be too. Would you prefer people be disingenuous, and say something when there is nothing they really can say. To many it is disrespectful to offer comment about the death of people they did not know.
I think you need to check your own motive in sending such a missive, and ask yourself what exactly it is you're expecting from others, and why.

Hey maybe

Jan 5, 2021 at 1:21pm

Your friends don't actually care that your mom's friend died, and they are not obligated to just because you told them and wanted sympathy.
Maybe you're a needy person who wanted something from your friends and when they didn't respond you decided they were bad people. Maybe they have their own shit and couldn't be your paladin.
I.D.O.Y.S.

Op

Jan 5, 2021 at 3:33pm

We’re even then: they don’t care about what’s relevant in my life and I don’t care to chat with them anymore about their jobs, kids, property, thoughts over cocktails. When someone tells me bad news about death, I offer kind words even if I never met the deceased person or pet. Scattering like cockroaches when death is mentioned shows your true character.

30 6Rating: +24

Just wow

Jan 5, 2021 at 4:32pm

Reading the incredibly insensitive comments to this post makes me feel badly for the state of humanity. It’s never “insensitive” to say something to someone who tells you that someone they know died. One doesn’t have to pretend to be grief stricken to simply offer a word of condolence for someone’s loss! I work in a position where I’m always dealing with people who have lost a loved one. There are things to say to someone to let them know that you’re acknowledging their pain and will allow them the opportunity to express their feelings about it. Completely ignoring it is totally rude, and obviously the Op’s group either didn’t read her post or they’re just insensitive and don’t care. Op, on behalf of those of us who are able to feel empathy, I offer you my condolences for the loss of this person who was someone that mattered to your family. It’s a very difficult time and I know that you’ll all need support. I do hope that you find some outside of your group.

25 5Rating: +20

Anonymous

Jan 5, 2021 at 5:08pm

Maybe they don't want to be reminded that they could get this disease and die at any time, or maybe they're just self-absorbed c#nts? We're seeing a level of narcissism that hasn't been seen since the aristocrats of France in the 17th century, but with the difference that everyone is a narcissist with or without money. You would think a pandemic would take the wind out of their sails, and remind them what's important but no.

The locals here have always been self-absorbed bubble heads but in recent years they're out of control because of social media. Everyone entertaining their "followers"with a yoga pose on a log or some other spectacle or worse, a monologue on how they feel on a winters' day to get their attention fix. It all has to come tumbling down for humanity to move forward because that is only profiting business.

23 8Rating: +15

@OP

Jan 5, 2021 at 5:18pm

Good strategy.

12 7Rating: +5

@Anonymous

Jan 5, 2021 at 7:45pm

Up until you started denigrating the locals, I agreed with you. Keeping in mind that the majority of the population of Vancouver citizens actually moved here from somewhere else, I hardly think that it’s the true locals who act that way.

@@Anonymous

Jan 5, 2021 at 8:39pm

Nah, that behaviour is ingrained in the local culture and new arrivals assimilate, or they find that place where they've always belonged.

Sorry for your loss

Jan 5, 2021 at 10:07pm

You said it was your mother’s best friend. What did you expect? They don’t know your connection to that person. Was she special to you? Why didnt you just say she was a close friend to you? If it was your mother or pet or child or best friend then you probably will get a response for sure. But dont say oh my mom’s boss died or someone who isnt close to you. You see why they didnt say anything.

4 12Rating: -8

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