He has adult ADHD.

He won't seek help, I don't know how to help, and he desperately needs help.

23 Comments

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Oh no, ADHD.

Jan 21, 2021 at 3:46am

I had undiagnosed ADHD and wound up in Asia where I was never bored. It's interesting where ADHD can take a person, what I lacked in success, I made up for some pretty wild adventures but always fall short in things because I lose interest.

Vancouver can be tough with ADHD. Imagine being in a city that's famously dull, being "chill" is a virtue and smoking pot is a popular pastime? It's really tough. Your friend must be a handful because he's under stimulated. Here's an experiment. Buy him a cup of coffee and see if he focuses a bit better. The caffeine would be a stimulant substitute for Ritalin. Check out the YouTube channel How To ADHD for some tips on helping someone with ADHD. Best of luck, that's a tough one.

17 4Rating: +13

Sigh

Jan 21, 2021 at 6:29am

People use mental health issues people have as a way to justify treating them sh*tty or somehow creating heroism out of themselves. People with ADHD struggle, they struggle bad. Showing them their mirror shows more about you. Chances are, they've sought help in some capacity. Getting help is not as easy as you may think. I, myself, in all truth, get to see my medical practitioner in person today for the first time in 1 full year. I am a previous psych ward patient who used to be tested monthly for substances, and in the last year I couldn't even get in to get tested. Have compassion. Focus on your own mirror, focus on your own mental health.

Interesting

Jan 21, 2021 at 10:48am

I had a bf who used ADD as an excuse for shitty, inconsiderate behaviour and who uses people so he doesn't have to work.

I also have an old friend who was diagnosed ADHD as a kid but still became a kind, thoughtful person who is a successful technologist with a home, wife, and 2 beautiful daughters.

34 3Rating: +31

Try working over VPN

Jan 21, 2021 at 11:08am

Omg...

4 8Rating: -4

Don't martyr yourself

Jan 21, 2021 at 12:20pm

You can't help someone who doesn't want help, or refuses to recognize that there's a problem. Best you can do is be lovingly supportive while protecting your own mental/emotional health. Best of luck to you, kind person!

17 4Rating: +13

Sympathy

Jan 21, 2021 at 1:03pm

I understand that you’re concerned about him. However, if he’s an adult it’s up to him to seek help for his condition. I know from long experience what it’s like dealing with someone who has it. Like any other type of mental health issue, ADD/ADHD has levels of severity. If your person has been properly diagnosed in the past then perhaps he knows what he needs to do. If he’s never been diagnosed then maybe you’re making an assumption based on what you think you know about it. I know that you want to help, but if his behaviour is adversely affecting your relationship and he refuses to do anything about it, then ultimately your only choice is whether or not you can live with the behaviour. If you can’t, then in order to protect yourself, you will have to leave.

13 2Rating: +11

@@@@You can't help someone who doesn't want help@@@@

Jan 21, 2021 at 1:12pm

u got that right ! So either set your boundaries and bid adieu to the boy or ........ 'play the fool to outsmart the bozo' and see it u can 'secret agent' him to better health ........ i'd say 'good luck' but like we used to say back in the day: "luck is a shuck like water off the back of a duck." ........ and can you imagine yesterday the x-pres Orange-atang wishing the incoming president 'Good Luck.' :-) what a joke !

5 3Rating: +2

My Boyfriend

Jan 21, 2021 at 2:05pm

Has it, I'm pretty sure. It's really painful because I love him. Most of the harm he does is to himself and it's hard to watch. I've been encouraging him to get help. He's been reading Gabor Mate so I suppose that's a start.

9 1Rating: +8

@oh no, ADHD

Jan 21, 2021 at 3:27pm

I don't have ADHD and I find Vancouver boring.

13 4Rating: +9

"help"

Jan 21, 2021 at 4:54pm

If the 'help' causes conditions worse than the original condition (and with the mental illness system in vancouver and westernized/industralized countries at least, that seems to very often be the case), and a person is needlessly forced or pressured into it, then that's an ethics violation, period, and the "helpers" and system that invented the label and the unethical responses to that label, are in the wrong.

Maybe human beings simply aren't mean to live in such utterly alienating, soul-stifling conditions to begin with? Not without some forms of neuroses developing being a norm rather than an exception, anyways.

Is "Diagnosing" a human being who is naturally but harmlessly different or has natural responses to insane (or (I hope not) deliberatelyy unethical) environmental / life conditions and then attempting to drug them back into what others perceive as normality, ever a true solution or cure for anything?

In my opinion, no -- not at all. At best it's (drugs, etc) a temporary band-aid for fundamental systemic, environmental, social and consciousness-related issues that literally cannot be significantly helped by them -- or equivalent to adding a sedative on top of a wound so deep, no pharmaceutical neurotoxins are ever able to do anything other than numb, stifle, inhibit or prevent the real healing and real solutions that need to happen from happening -- those which are directly related to and intertwined with the root causes themselves.

7 4Rating: +3

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