I knew this really tall good-looking guy with a lot of baggage from when he was a child. Women were always trying to save him. They mistook his brokenness with sensitivity. He was sensitive, but not the caring kind of sensitivity. The I'm broken and sensitive to everything in society and can't function kind of sensitivity. It was so bad he could hold a job and so needy he didn't contribute anything to his relationships. There came a point in every relationship that the woman he was with had to break up with him, and his abandonment issues would kick in. Just many of his issues. I felt awful for him but felt even worse for the woman who put so much into the relationship. It was like the investment a mother puts into a child, but eventually the child gives back when they older and the parents are middle-aged or elderly.

It also showed me just how important a good-looking man was to women in general even though they claim it what's inside that counts. Those women would suffer for months even a couple of years because they loved the idea of having a tall good-looking man in their lives. It's a shame we all just can't be more honest with ourselves and the surrounding people in our lives. Just admit you want a hot dude - with a job!!

I was the same but chalk it up to the energy I was giving off. It was like people just knew they could play me like that, but I am taking more responsibility for having let them. Not consciously, of course, but I was emitting a vibe that attracted parasites. Now I put myself first in any given situation for self-protection. It doesn’t mean being rude or hostile but just drawing firm boundaries.

You are not alone in this okay. This happens to a lot of us and it's just awful. I've got to the point where are soon as I start to care or help. I just don't and when I just don't I feel bitter. BUT this is because of the selfish humans I chose to call friends, not me being a good person. So, big hugs OP BIG BIG hugs, it's NOT you.

Congratulations on coming to this very difficult realization! In most cases, what you grow up with becomes your 'normal' and it can be a herculean task to recognize that your version of 'normal' is damaging to you. Now that you've come to this realization, you're rewriting your 'normal' in a way that better supports your own needs and that's amazing! FYI, expect blowback from those people in your life who got very comfortable with you as the 'rescuer'. Don't let them take this progress from you! And don't hesitate to ask for help - a qualified counsellor/therapist can help you identify your boundaries and find ways of enforcing them constructively. Good luck, smart person!

is the first step towards change, so good work recognizing your patrern and now you can create better relationships for yourself.

I’m glad you’ve come to some realizations about personal boundaries. Better to go do something fun or something where you’re improving or engaging yourself, than to put energy into black holes of people.
Recently I told my relative they are a rescuer, and that they do it because they get something out of it: feeling needed or wanted, or trying to actively avoid their own issues or loneliness or stress. Maybe they feel superior to the one needing rescuing. There are things being fed in these dependent relationships in BOTH directions.

This issue, that’s been raised by a couple of other commenters, is absolutely key to your conundrum. I’m presently undergoing a similar transformation from being that person who runs to the rescue far too often, especially when it comes to the people closest to me, to someone who puts my own needs on exactly the same level in terms of importance. I’ve realized finally that it’s my own traumatic past that’s made me feel like doing this was the only way to keep people from rejecting me. I was so afraid of being abandoned that I gave far too much, and more importantly, I allowed too many people to trample my boundaries in the process. Learning to appreciate and value myself enough so that I feel comfortable enforcing my boundaries (Even identifying them has been a challenge!) hasn’t been easy. But I know that if I don’t do this, not only will I continue in the same broken pattern, but I will completely ruin any chance that I might have of being in a healthy relationship with anyone. I hope that you find the courage to embark on the same type of journey.

Thanks for all the kind and thoughtful responses. It's been a bitter pill that those I've helped in the past don't want to reciprocate, now that I'm sick. I've always been cast as the "strong one" and I agree that I did get some satisfaction from my altruism (apparently our brains are wired that way). My problem is not that I can't set boundaries, but that I now need help and these people are refusing to see how much I'm struggling because they don't want to help me. This includes my family, who I always assumed would be there for me if I really needed them, just like I was there for them. I just need to give up on them and find some other support.

You do know that , while rescuer sounds similar to skewer , they don't mean the same thing? Tell me you know that

I completely understand how you feel. I wrote the “Boundaries” comment. I also have been dealing with exactly the same situation. I helped my family over and over again because of my love for them. I also became sick and have been seriously struggling for years as a result of that, but the majority of them have not been there for me at all. It’s a very bitter pill for sure.