stranger danger

i'm conflicted. i'm having a very hard time. i adore the wrong person who bears no interest and even if they did, things would remain as they are. where i'm constantly ignored and then pulled back when they feel they've almost lost me. they're too self-absorbed to realize they've hurt me. it is terribly unhealthy. i'm no advocate for seeing someone to get over someone but i do feel if the pandemic weren't here, i could go on some wonderful dates and it would all be fine. i might not fall in love but it would help. now, i spend all my time alone. afraid of casually meeting someone, afraid that my mental health doesn't validate it. it's been especially awful this month. i am deteriorating, i feel so physically alone. i go to work, it's all fine, i come home and the sinking in my stomach reverberates throughout my body. i just want to kiss someone and be held, i guess. have company. that's it.

10 Comments

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I wouldn't buy my doppelganger a drink

Jan 22, 2021 at 2:06am

If he'd been waiting in line all night. Certainly not if he wrote or read rubbish like this. Man up pal and discover the joy of pronouns

8 15Rating: -7

Cat

Jan 22, 2021 at 9:40am

This is such a difficult time for most of us but you're not alone.There are great services out there that can help you in this stressful time but you have to be the one to reach out.I've suffered bouts of depression for years but with a good therapist,I have learned coping mechanisms.It's not easy but help is out there.

8 2Rating: +6

Somefriend

Jan 22, 2021 at 11:12am

I hear ya! Company is especially hard to come by now a days! You got to have more self respect! Positive energy. Be content. Not saying that you don't! But never degrade your self! This is no where close to your final option! My advice, join some teams! Get involved! Don't let you or mental health hold you back. Doing things like this is suppose to help with your mental state. Maybe it's uncomfortable to do these things! Just remember it's a new year. Its time to come up with different ways of engaging with people! And always challenge your self. But never stress out! Stay positive!

4 2Rating: +2

Everyone's in such a rush

Jan 22, 2021 at 11:45am

To be loved, to be validated, to matter, to be together.
Nope.
Take some time off. Get your head straight. Shed negativity, totally fall in love with the person you are, and after all that, love will find you.

14 1Rating: +13

Feels OP

Jan 22, 2021 at 12:22pm

I don't know what kinds of assholes would downvote this heartfelt confession, but know that you aren't alone and that there are a lot of us who feel this way.

23 3Rating: +20

Umm...

Jan 22, 2021 at 4:58pm

It sounds like you don't like your own company? Ask yourself why you're fixating on this person instead of fixating on this person. It's hard to face ourselves, but you'll never be happy with or without anyone if you don't want to hang out with yourself. It's hard and scary and a lot of us never learned how to do it, so make yourself do it instead of avoiding it.

8 1Rating: +7

I wish I never meet what's her face

Jan 23, 2021 at 12:40am

She just sucked me in to the dramatic vortex of her personality. I was attracted to the force of her presence but I didn't want to be that swept up up and away. Sure she likes to bounce ideas around- and me as well. It didn't last long in real time but the scar/brand she scalded me with still hurts

5 2Rating: +3

Peel back the layers of what you feel

Jan 23, 2021 at 5:55am

It might help with the loneliness if you let yourself feel genuine anger toward this person.

Honest anger that is appropriately focused is a good starting point for healing the old and deep wounds that have led so many of us to enter a series of unhealthy relationships.

Appropriate anger is also useful for learning how to extricate ourselves from being an internalized enemy and instead counsel ourselves consciously as a friend so that we can be less lonely, have our own backs, and break these cycles moving forward.

I think “they’re too self-absorbed to realize they’ve hurt me” is giving this person too much credit. There is a good chance they want to see you suffer (it is a power thing). Let that be your fuel.

9 3Rating: +6

@Peel back the layers of what you feel @Umm...

Jan 23, 2021 at 4:25pm

@Peel back the layers of what you feel — thanks. i feel that's what i've been missing. they're quite depressed by nature and so am i, this is why it's been difficult to get upset because i've been there and haven't been my best when i'm there. i am starting to genuinely feel quite upset and while i do not want to have an outburst on them, i may maintain this feeling for a little while. strange as it is, it is the most optimistic flame i've had in a while, that of frustration. i think i am beginning to slowly lose yearning for him, day by day. it has crossed my mind that they are a bit sadistic but i try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, particularly if we've experienced the same things. thank you for your words.

@Umm... — i quite like my own company and have perfectly happy periods of being single without getting attached to any dates. i just happen to really like this person and it has been hard to dismiss the prospect of them being a part of my life in some way, even as a friend. it looks i will have to deny them a part, at least for a good while until i don't see them that way.

5 1Rating: +4

@ I Wish

Jan 24, 2021 at 7:42pm

Now there's a Confession!

Too bad you don't have the balls to drop actual hints about what's her face. Maybe she might feel terrible if she knew that and would want to make amends.
I know I would.

5 0Rating: +5

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