Stuck In The Middle With You

I moved here right before the outbreak last March and it's been difficult to make friends. The people I knew dropped me like a hot potato in lieu of their spouses or existing friends. The only person that's in my "bubble" from my past treats me like a drinking buddy. They just want to smoke and swear about their life & lack of ambition then shut down when I try to start a meaningful intelligent conversation. Normally I would discourage this kind of friendship but they're all I have got right now.

19 Comments

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N. Sane

Jan 17, 2021 at 4:19pm

Good luck! I’d recommend some social fasting.

11 5Rating: +6

If it makes you feel better

Jan 17, 2021 at 4:25pm

My roommate used my brain injury to say the reason they weren't staying home, doing any of their share of upkeep or taking care of their animal. They said it was my anger. Long story short, they were just dating and shirking responsibility. that's all. no mystery. no great story. I was stuck with a douchebag.

9 8Rating: +1

Back away slowly

Jan 17, 2021 at 11:14pm

Even though they’re all you’ve got right now, they’re not meeting your minimum expectations of friendship. Unless you have time to waste on them, hold out for something better.

11 1Rating: +10

Well, at least you got one thing right,

Jan 17, 2021 at 11:39pm

Now don't go all Dirty Harry on me and shy away from further meaning, I mean you're practically gushing with ideas. Like Chuck in Night Shift

1 5Rating: -4

Palette cleanser

Jan 18, 2021 at 12:11am

I wonder if now could be a healing time to think about the kind of people you do want in your life :)
It’s true that now is much more challenging, and yet perhaps that’s what allows us to recognize the connections we DO value and makes them all the more precious.

6 1Rating: +5

Mr. Pink

Jan 18, 2021 at 12:24am

Yep. Vancouver is notorious for its exclusivity and cliquishness. Some say people here are aloof, but I think its more that they're extremely tribal and not open to meeting new people. A lot of people like to stick with the friends they made in school, or only accept new people into the friendship circle if they hit everything on the checklist (age, race, income, attractiveness, etc.) Also, part of the flakiness that you've experienced also has to do with the obsessive social climbing here. People are constantly on the lookout for "better" people to associate with.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time OP. The pandemic won't last forever and I hope you're able to make new friends soon.

8 9Rating: -1

For reals...

Jan 18, 2021 at 11:25am

It could be worse. Hang in there. Enjoy the time to yourself if you can, while slowly branching out your friend circle if you can. I had to live in a condo staged for sale with a person who had an alcohol-induced manic episode and then cheated on me and all our friends only knew us as a couple. It's nice to start fresh and try to find new friends, even if it's slow goings. It could always be worse!

5 1Rating: +4

Stay positive!

Jan 18, 2021 at 12:25pm

I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time but just know it’s not forever! The pandemic has really crushed everyone’s social life (except for the selfish assholes still going to parties) so you’re definitely not alone. Vancouver is notoriously cliquey but I’m hoping that when we can finally socialize again everyone will be more welcoming and open to meeting people other than their same high school crew. I’ve been single through this pandemic which has been tough but I try not to get too down because there’s nothing I can really do to change that now. In the meantime I’m finding my own interests and passions so that when I start dating again I can find someone who feels similarly. Maybe you can take the same approach for friendship. Find what makes you happy so that you can meet people who like the same things.

7 1Rating: +6

Op

Jan 18, 2021 at 2:17pm

Thanks everybody. Sounds like there's others who are actually stuck.
Thank god no-one recommended going to a meet-up.
I plan on leaving town when it's safe to do so, this has been the worst year of my life.

11 0Rating: +11

@op

Jan 18, 2021 at 4:12pm

I spent 2 years in van and they were the worst two years of my life and there wasn't a pandemic to blame. Vancouver is a gorgeous place that sucks you in and then crushes you with awful people. 'Mr. Pink' described it well. Hope you can move on to somewhere better.

8 7Rating: +1

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