You realize it's a pandemic and everyone's shut in?

our coping mechanisms. The commercialism/stuff may serve as a way to define your territory and a barrier for keeping people out. I’ve done similar with food and substances.

Connection with people isn’t everything in life and it makes sense that you’d want to keep yourself safe from emotionally risky situations (if that resonates).

As someone who has been both numb and not numb but hasn’t quite yet figured out the interpersonal stuff, what I can say is that it can be nice to arrive at a place where you can let yourself into yourself, climb to the top of your inner pyramid, and get a bird’s eye view of what drives your patterns and actions.

Wishing you a safe space of self discovery and maybe some small steps toward cracking the door to connection when you are ready.

Told you that I loved you back in '92
But then you started saying I was no good for you...
Come on come on this is a bar

I thought all I had left, was an app like Bumble to find someone. Most of these dating apps have bots that are friendlier than most people. Creepy. Especially when it’s your data/intellectual property they’re collecting/harvesting... then selling. The app’s the pimp and you’re the ho. It’s a one sided business relationship. And if you take offence then you’ll start to notice some peculiar things happening with spooky perfectly timed notifications. Try it sometime. Make your apps feel like their being put off or neglected... and watch.

I've found the natural world to be a great solace in times of stress. Going into the forest and just breathing in the smell of the pines. Sitting and gazing at the ocean. Watching squirrels chase one another. Listening to the birds. Helps me feel more connected and calm. I also have problems with people but luckily have found a few on the same wavelength.

But actually it's like a reality/exhibition otherwise. I mean the neighbors get a show. The jackass with the jackhammer across the street gets a show. Heck/heil even the cop in the parking lot gets a show. So its not like I'm not giving 'er- it's just...well...my knees are killing me...

Most hikes end up back at the parking lot, so you don't go hiking to get somewhere, but rather because it feels good and to see the views along the way.

This can be your reason to get outside. Feel the humid air against your face and the oxygen from the trees. Go where there is a park or a trail and just be aware of what's around you. It's a much different feel than a mall or restaurant. In your own place, sit quietly and focus on what's going on inside you - the precision of how your inner organs are functioning.

Get in touch with my inner organs... like my chronic gnawing back pain. I told my doctor and psychiatrist about it... and it’s apparently not their concern. One tells me it’s a possibility of things with no tests. Doesn’t even press anywhere to see if those muscles/nerves are in fact injured/inflamed. And the other “doctor” my psychiatrist says it’s all in my head. I reported these symptoms back in 2012. They ignored it. So I finally said screw them. I’ll self-medicate. That worked only temporarily. Ten years later, I have finally realized the doctors are just egomaniacs who were forced into their profession due to their parents wishes. They care not about helping/treatment. It’s the prestige. The $200,000-$300,000 salary in my opinion, is way too much. On top of that you charge your patients $40 a dr.’s note... a note that took you three minutes or less to write?! Ha right.... Surgeons deserve every penny. They are ACTUALLY doing something. The janitors in these hospitals could also use a raise. Nurses? Nah. 15% of nurses are great... and deserve a raise. 70% the same. And 15% should be let go. You’ll find the awful 15% at the nurses stations usually gossiping or glued to their phones.
Good riddance to all the ones who thought it would be a great idea making Tiktok videos conga lines at the start of the covid lockdowns. Shameful.
Ps. I hope wearing scrubs on the bus to and from work has been addressed... it used to be very common. Barf!