is natural. You are good people. Walk on and help yourself thru helping others. You'll be fine ........ OCM Sto'lo salutations

I'm so sorry for your loss.It's such a huge loss and my heart pours out to you.I just have to say that if a guy lies to his wife for 30 years,he's not an honorable individual and perhaps it's time to let that go and find some healing.

"He was kind and loving but I couldn't accept that and moved on."
Well, being alone serves you right, then. You had it coming.
We live in swipe culture and those who live closest to the culture get the disease the hardest. They treat people as disposable; like toilet paper.
They'll keep books they've read and know so well, but living with another person for a lifetime is seen as 'limiting oneself'. They love animals who do all the very same things they find loathsome in others (neediness, dependency, laziness) then, after decades of treating other humans as 'useless' (ie: not making *you* happy every minute of every day) they decide that only a mammal who can't talk back or disagree is the only living thing that will tolerate their company. So they get cats. Or many dogs.

This is the stupidity of Western culture. All it reveals is your own shallowness. Expecting other people to provide you with happiness is to be an adolescent for a lifetime.
Maybe you finally grew up, and now it's too late.
You drank the Kool Aid of "empowerment" and "freedom" and now you find that responsibility for yourself and accountability to yourself was what you valued most. That your feelings were all on you all along. Oops. That maybe growing old with someone was worth it for the opportunity to learn about yourself.
But you chose not to.
You swiped left.
And you kept swiping.
But now it's too late.
Serves you right.
Only criminals and the crooked have to keep moving in life.
Keep swiping left. See what it gets you.

Hmmnnn...project much? You’ve made so many assumptions in your comment that I won’t even bother to try to respond to each of them. The fact is that you don’t know the Op’s situation whatsoever. You don’t know why they couldn’t accept the guy’s love. You’re assuming it’s because the Op is some terrible and shallow person, but I actually interpreted it completely differently. I assumed it was because the Op was likely abused as a child and therefore did not know how to cope with anyone treating them well. When you’re an abused child, you learn not to trust anyone. Perhaps we’re both wrong, but we’ll never know because neither of us is the Op, right? The fact is that the Op had some type of relationship with this married guy who clearly was no saint because he was cheating on his wife. Regardless, the Op is sad that this relationship has come to an end, so why don’t you just stop with all your judgement and allow them to express their grief?

None of this would have happened if you had just listened to Kate Bush and followed the coded message

I had a pen pal for over 20 years. I had to cut him off recently because he kept hitting on me. He would tell me of his dreams and fantasies. I was in a relationship and so was he. I asked him to stop multiple times and he wouldn’t. I can’t be close with someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries. I know your situation is different and I’m sorry you’ve had to cut that off. Perhaps you can send a message for him to open a P.O. Box so you can write letters. Just a suggestion.