He’s got a crush

So my guy and I have been together for several years now, and we’re not young. I suspected that he just wasn’t that interested in me anymore when he began making excuses not to have sex. Then the other day he was showing me a photo he had taken but before he could find it I noticed a bunch of pictures of a young woman he scrolled past. I asked him to show me them and he’d downloaded several pictures of a popular actress. He had talked about her before when we had watched a movie she was in. I said “you’ve got a crush” and he got really defensive and denied it. I know the signs when I see them. His explanation was that he thought she was very beautiful and he was just trying to “study” her face to decide if she’d had plastic surgery. Hmmnnnn...people don’t download multiple photos of a gorgeous woman unless they want to look at them a lot. I think I stumbled onto his virtual girlie mag and he was embarrassed. I know that it’s normal that he’s attracted to younger women, but I’m not going to stick around anymore. If he’s not into me anymore because I’m aging normally, I’d rather be alone than have some guy around (who’s also aging normally btw but thinks he isn’t) who is so blatantly obvious about it. I’m not dumb enough to think that I’m going to look like I used to no matter what, and I prefer to keep my dignity and walk away now.


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Mar 7, 2021 at 8:14pm

Nature do take a bite don't she?

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Spot on

Mar 7, 2021 at 8:49pm

I think you’re doing the absolute right thing to walk away.

A long time ago, I dated a guy who would regularly name drop the actresses he thought were hot. It was humiliating as I don’t and won’t ever look like them, and I never gave him a list of people I lusted after. He never told me I was hot or if he thought I was beautiful so I had no love from him. I ended up resenting him immensely and dumped him.

Which is good because I made room for my current guy that lusts for me all the time and tells me I’m beautiful. We both like good looking people of the opposite sex, but we don’t rub it in each other’s faces.

Clear your life of trash.

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Sir Expat

Mar 7, 2021 at 8:51pm

He should dump you for invadin his phone's privacy. That's crossing the line. Snoop

Don't go away mad...

Mar 7, 2021 at 8:58pm

... just go away.

If this is your approach to relationships, I do not know. Maybe talk to him about it? No, that would be too adult, better to tell your friends online then ditch him.

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Mar 7, 2021 at 9:06pm

Wow. Any excuse to break up will do, doesn't it?

Make sure you get yourself a nice cat. You will need it. And wine.

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Mar 7, 2021 at 9:38pm

It's totally normal and healthy to think other people are attractive. I feel like you're jumping ten steps ahead, here? Ask him what's up with your sex life so you guys can either figure it out or leave then, if that's a deal breaker. He isn't not having sex with you because he prefers the pictures of a celebrity, that doesn't make sense. Monogamy is a choice it's not our default, don't shame your partner for being human. But do talk about it and see if you're aging is an issue for him. I have a feeling if you're jealous of a few pictures it might be manifesting in other ways and scenarios in your every day life that might be a turn-off, more so than looks.

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Indignant outrage duly noted

Mar 7, 2021 at 10:35pm

Still...sweetheart...one girlie pic on his funny phone? Come on. Settle down

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Donny I'm freezing my bag off here

Mar 8, 2021 at 12:22am

I'm thinking of Denman Street. I wanna watch movies and go out drinking and smoke stogies. Got a match?

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Mar 8, 2021 at 12:34am

honestly if it's a popular actress it's like finding porn, terribly unrealistic and a pure fantasy. You wouldn't want an elderly man to keep photos of only grandmothers on his phone, would you?
If he treats you well in every other way and eventually can come around to an adult conversation about this, then this is really no reason to leave. But if you're feeling like your dignity is pried, go for it!

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I’m with you, OP

Mar 8, 2021 at 4:09am

See the red flags for what they are and cut loose.

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