Both of us cracked and tried microdosing after 2020.
Not a panacea but one does get some clear days, even amongst the everyday rubbish that life constantly brings. Solitude not the same as loneliness but it often gets that way after time.
And neither freedom from pain nor complete, true safety are available this side of the grave. Life is risk and often also suffering...but there's one thing:
All problems are people problems because only people make and have problems. The universe has no problems - everything works (or not) exactly as it should. If you step out of your head occasionally (sometimes called decentering), you may see ways around your troubles. Or at least make them seem smaller.
The only way out is through. It was ever thus.

Throw insecure attachment styles in the mix as an extra-confusing slippery slope guaranteed to send the mood straight down into a catatonic funk.

Your post has hope embedded within it, even if it’s working through the depression and awkwardness of dating during a pandemic. I like how you’re still trying, keep it up, good things will come your way.

No it's not. A lot of people with mental health issues find love with all the barriers they face. It becomes difficult when one projects their demons onto the other and the other who is trying to make healthier choices isn't receptive. Not taking no for answer bcuz of their projected illusions of the relationship they might have had together and needing to rely on signs while hiding behind fear is likely exhausting to the other person who likely couldn't have been more clear. If they have depression, emotional manipulation is the last thing they need.

It's difficult to make headway when they and you both wield a passive communication style. A mutual yearning by itself won't spark dry tinder. One way to break the stalemate is to fall into prescribed gender roles and make do, if only the role aligns with your nature.

you know what they say…opposites attract.

You shouldn't use your condition avoid accountability when playing games and using people. And you can't be a "we" with anyone if it's only all about "you".

Uh no to all of that. I don't have a condition, at least whichever one you think I do. Many people I love and care about do, and they're vulnerable and an easy target so I'll be defending and protecting them as best as I can. By your response, I'm glad I did bcuz you are arguing publicly with whoever it is you think you're trying to date. To repeat, someone with a mental health disorder doesn't need that. Stop projecting, talk to them like a human or leave them be. It's emotionally manipulative games like yours that make it difficult.

@anonymous — the person you are talking to is not me. as for your comments, which i need not address anyway, i will just say we have both been minimally pursuing each other. in fact, they have mostly been initiating the talks lately but they have not asked me out once. i have been the one to ask them out a few times but have stopped as of over a month ago, i have also not initiated conversation with the exception of once recently. i'm confused that they continue to initiate conversations and seem to enjoy grasping my attention, they mentioned we should see each other again yet will not actively ask me out. so the assumption that i am some aggressive pursuant is quite wrong, it is the opposite and i'm not feeling inclined to make any advances towards them anymore. of course, they could ask me any time they like and i would gladly accept. but as of now, we are meek penpals. i am depressed but i do every bit i can to rise above it, i don't appreciate your projection from your friend's anecdotes that i am projecting either or manipulating emotionally, i don't know what could be construed as that as i have been supporting this person's efforts to rise above and haven't bothered them with any of the sentiments i've written about here, these are all stresses that have just been inside my head aired to no one (except here). i do believe i am allowed a vent every now and then to alleviate my mind of grievances.

I have been seeing a lovely man for a few weeks but the affection is very few and far between. It is confusing and difficult. He’s also never asked me out and if I make advances he declines so I’ve left the ball in his court. It feels like shit but I know that if I wait it’ll either end or become something more and so, I wait. It seems pathetic in a way which is part of the shitty feeling but he’s a kind and delicate man and is worth waiting for.