Nothing would amuse me more than the children growing up, then presenting me with modernist bullshit with an ultimatum based on my response.

she will die soon enough. Don't stress too hard

... my mom is the exact opposite, she literally thinks everyone is her friend and treats everyone like family. You are having kids! Me, I am a dopey guy in his mid 30s who lives at home still because he still believes people should be nice, like Mom.

So, you know, you got the benefit of having your Mom teach you to seek your own, just because you don't understand her doesn't mean she's wrong.

How do you equate her attitude with narcissism? The two don’t necessarily have to go together you know. I agree that it’s sad that she feels that way, but it doesn’t make her a narcissist. People are using that label so freely lately; often without really understanding the nature of the disorder. As for not wanting her involved if she has that attitude about a child that you adopt, I understand completely. I was a parent in a blended family, and my MIL always insisted that it was perfectly acceptable for her and my FIL to openly favour my husband’s biological child over my own biological children, even after my husband legally adopted them. My own parents welcomed my husband’s child into their lives with open arms and love, and never treated him differently than the other children. It’s very divisive to do otherwise, and her attitude caused a great deal of friction in our marriage. If grandparents cannot behave appropriately with grandchildren, they don’t belong in those children’s lives. Hopefully she’ll see the light before you have them.

@say what?
I equate it with my own experience with my mom. Thanks for your input though.

All children should be made to feel welcome, not left out & you wonder why some grow up with hurt and anger within in them. My mum gave up on us and neglected her kids, is in her own world still, I’m doing my best as a new parent not to repeat history.

That would be bigoted behavior rather than narcissistic.

You both might want to read the confession 'You Have No Idea' and reflect on why you feel the need to project and validate yourselves onto a story that isn't yours. If it's so upsetting to read about narcissistic/mothers and to discover that bigoted thinking is common in narcissists, that's not the op's fault.

The point I was making is that just because someone’s got a bad attitude about welcoming an adopted child into the family doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is a narcissist. I wrote that comment before the Op clarified that there’s other experiences with their mother that makes them think that. Fair enough. However, I stand by what I said; that term is being thrown around all the time lately, as if every second person is a narcissist. The reality is that it’s not easy for someone to be diagnosed with that disorder because it’s far more complicated than just displaying a few selfish or conceited traits. It concerns me because it throws a label onto people who don’t always deserve it. As for the “You have no idea” post, I believe that person said that feelings are not opinions, and I agree. On the other hand, stating that another person is a narcissist is an opinion, not a personal feeling.

I rarely read stories of people who *should* adopt. You should, because I suspect you have a level head about what adoption is and means. So few do. Blessings on you and your family.