Coming back to life

I've been in a deep depression for years. Life has been a mess. I had blamed everyone else for my problems yet done nothing about it - everything I hated in a person. I met a man in 2018. I fell pregnant and we got married. As I write the true facts of these events I wonder if I'm being dramatic but friends and family remind me how bad it really was. I blamed myself for not having dinner ready for him after work every day which irritated him. He physically assaulted me so I left him. My daughter has just seen a pediatrician who strongly suspects that she is on the spectrum. We're on a wait list for an official diagnosis but it takes over a year. The diagnosis is important because it means we can have some treatment covered. Being a single mom I can't afford to pay privately. I cried when I heard the doctor's opinion but now have educated myself. There is nothing wrong with autism. If anything, it makes her interesting. She is hilarious. I love how when people say hi to her she looks at them like they're idiots. I know that's awful to say but I've wondered at times if she's on the spectrum or just doesn't give a crap. Either way she cracks me up and I love her from the bottom of my heart. I had been diagnosed with kidney problems which I had a pity party over. Yesterday a major shift happened. It felt like the sun came up for the first time in a million years. I cleaned my place so well you could eat off any surface. My body didn't feel like it was falling apart. My face had colour. I stepped outside the door to inhale the spring air. I looked up at the sky and thought to myself I'm so happy to be alive. I've lived through many things and will to be able to help my daughter through life which is something I never had. I feel happy for once in a very long time. I can't wait for my girl to get up so we can head to the park. I had my kidneys retested and found out yesterday that they're back up to 90%. Life is beautiful and change has come.

8 Comments

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Anonymous

Apr 18, 2021 at 12:08pm

I am so so happy for you! This is a turning point, and I just know that your future and your daughter’s future is bright and more beautiful than you can even imagine! :)

What a precious gift

Apr 18, 2021 at 3:27pm

your beautiful daughter is. Happy for you, op. Hold onto these feelings -- hope, optimism, energy, belief in yourself -- as you navigate the ups & downs. Everything is going to be OK.

16 6Rating: +10

Happy

Apr 18, 2021 at 4:50pm

Thanks for sharing your newfound joy in life. Made my heart happy to hear it! Here's to many more bright days ahead

15 5Rating: +10

Anonymous

Apr 18, 2021 at 5:04pm

Life you have discovered is anything but a bed of roses.

You are living a real life, the kind we most often lead. The media has this fantasy idea they sell that life is supposed to be perfect. It's not.

9 8Rating: +1

Autism

Apr 18, 2021 at 7:26pm

I was in an alternative Drs office that also treated children’s autism
The stories I heard from the receptionists were incredible , seeing kids respond to treatment

11 9Rating: +2

EA

Apr 18, 2021 at 7:58pm

I work as an Education Assistant in a school, hands on with students with Autism, they give me laughs and joy everyday. Your daughter is fabulous.

14 7Rating: +7

Always finding the silver lining

Apr 18, 2021 at 11:56pm

No matter what storms in life that come along I hope you and your daughter always carry that joy and happiness onward and past the finish line. After all, we're all spiritual beings going through human trials.

11 5Rating: +6

Blueball without a clue

Apr 19, 2021 at 2:23am

Attractive dork. Does that make any list?

6 13Rating: -7

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