Life of pain

I’m in my mid 40’s, it took me this long to acknowledge that I have depression and that I have always lived with people thinking I wasn’t good enough for them. My father always treated me that way, I was in a 4 year relationship and had a daughter with her, as soon as she was born I was no longer needed, my daughter at 15 years old decided she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore (she’s now 24). My wife of 19 years has always treated me like I have lots of changes to make and never showed me she loved me for who I am. Because of all this, I began a relationship 7 years ago with someone from work. She is the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever met and she told me every day how amazing I am, she divorced her husband to be with me. I have so many other people telling me I’m an amazing person but the people close to me haven’t treated me that way. 2 months ago I told my wife everything and she moved out, I spent every day with the woman of my dreams. This is when I started talking to doctors and psychiatrists and realizing I need to take care of my mental health. I thought it wasn’t fair to carry this into my new relationship and my wife begged for another chance. I stayed with my wife, the other woman who is still the only woman I have ever truly loved just told me today she’s engaged. A month ago she told me still misses me so much. I’m devastated and don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t think I can.

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Okay wow

Apr 6, 2021 at 9:00pm

There’s so much going on in this confession. The one major thing that I agree with is that you definitely need some therapy. As for the rest, I’m not even going to attempt to go there. Just get help before your trauma impacts anyone else’s life.

15 1Rating: +14

Anonymous

Apr 6, 2021 at 9:20pm

You mention that you've talked to psychiatrists; what did they tell you?

1 1Rating: 0

Depressed about the past

Apr 6, 2021 at 9:59pm

Anxious for the future. What you need is to get a whaddya call it? A Dymon! A Dymon pal! You got too much shit in your life. You gotta take it down the road and dump it!

2 1Rating: +1

I'm

Apr 6, 2021 at 10:05pm

Kinda glad that I never got married.

13 1Rating: +12

Why....

Apr 6, 2021 at 10:09pm

... you spend any time with the manipulative woman who doesn't love you who uses guilt and tears to manipulate you is beyond me.

11 2Rating: +9

Nothing we say will matter but...

Apr 7, 2021 at 1:32am

You acknowledged the failures of the relationship with a person who really used you to have a child, a child who has rejected you. You finally meet someone who gives you the kind of love you always wanted only to reject her because your ex wanted another chance.
So... you embrace dysfunction because it's familiar, reject unconditional love which is unfamiliar and seem to have regrets only after the one person who loved you for all you are is now engaged (that is, no longer an option) after being dumped by you.
You don't know how to love yourself and therefore can't love someone who knows what love is; you're not ready for it. I feel glad for the girlfriend, she deserves better. Let go of the one that got away and either accept your choices or stay single. Yes, look after you and no, don't be selfish as a way to look after you, especially when it hurts others.
And most definitely stick with therapy. You have a lot to realize and learn.

19 1Rating: +18

@nothing we say

Apr 7, 2021 at 6:46am

I think the wife and the woman he had the daughter with are 2 different people? The rest of what you say I totally agree with. He needs to deal with his father issues before trying to have another relationship.

1 1Rating: 0

Layers upon layers

Apr 7, 2021 at 9:02am

Agree with Okay Wow that there's a lot going on here. I think it's great that you're letting it all out, OP.

None of us are qualified to weigh in on your situation so take the comments with a grain of salt. Probably everyone in this equation could use some therapy so don't let anyone pathologize you for being the sole problem.

Hope you will continue to do the work in whatever way feels best for you and learn what you need to learn to move forward and be happy. Take care.

3 2Rating: +1

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