you are not hopelessly unlikeable. you are likeable with all the things going on in your mind. you are enough. it is important to recalibrate yourself knowingly in the pandemic, knowingly with mental issues, you must take the time to validate yourself. it is hard but you are correct, your mind is being distorted to think yourself as unlikeable when that couldn't be further from the truth. at least, we are all losing our heads together these days but let's do our best.

with someone or being lonely are both just mental states that are ultimately all in the mind. The physical effects can be stopped if one learns to recognize that this is only a passing state, like everything. It is a challenge but one you can handle. You write very well so obviously you are intelligent.

Never wanted to do anything. But was always down to chill. Chill how so. Sit on my couch hardly socialize cause we would be gaming. That lifestyle those times. I cant even remember them. Not a significant memory with that homi is worth sharing with my family nor any one I cross paths with. Time flew by my social life went from lets play pool stranger at the bar, to literally thinking people just judge me cause I'm some nerd. Glad to say he gone. But some damage has been done. The inability to socialize especially now a days seems much more challenging then say so 5 years ago.

It’ll get better I promise.

Nothing changed for me. I spent the majority of my time alone before. I see people complaining about spending 2 consecutive birthdays alone. Try over a decades worth. There are more of us than you think. You’re not alone in your aching loneliness. Maybe that will help you to not feel so alone...?

Get out and walk around.
Smile at hot people.

The people who judge you for owning your mental health issues are either in denial themselves or not worth worrying about. I agree with Oh baby. Practice going out and smiling, saying good morning to everyone (not just the hot ones). I've been doing this recently and nearly everyone responds positively. Some even stop and chat for ages. Nearly everyone is struggling right now, even if they're trying hard not to show it.

a continuum, never static, we all experience varying levels of crazy, sad, etc my point is that probably you are assuming in your own mind that no
one else feels like you do but that is simply not true. People can be good at pretending they are perfect and never experience anxiety or agony, but it’s always an act. You are not alone. You will and can get through this

I used to get embarrassed because everywhere we went she would just chat away to people, random strangers. But, you know what? She mostly got a good response, even in Vancouver. And she has a ton of friends and is never lonely. I'm trying to overcome my natural reticence and be more like her.

... countries like BC, the socialists keep tabs on everyone.

I have literally been on a date, gone to the washroom, come back and caught the tail end of a conversation between my date and someone else.

We'd made plans to go do something else.

But suddenly, "uhhh, sorry, I can't hang out with you anymore..."

People make deals in life, that's how they get ahead, and part of those deals are 'you don't socialize outside the party.'