Wherefore art

I have been randomly stumbling into relationships, and inevitably rage-quitting after a few months or a year, for about 7 years now. How do long-term daters do it?


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Apr 19, 2021 at 3:16pm

How do long-term daters do it?

Bruised and bewilderedly.

Showing up

Apr 19, 2021 at 3:25pm

Relationships are like health. Showing up consistently is the hardest part.
Humans suck at perseverance. Look around and you'll see exactly what I mean - most people can't even be bothered to show up once.
If you persist in something, nourish it, read about the research into what makes it work well (as I do), you may even have trouble finding short-term stuff at all. My entanglements over the decades have overwhelmingly been long-term. Depends on what you want and whether you're willing to work for it.
This often pays off, unless the other person wants out. Can't help that.

Formerly the same

Apr 19, 2021 at 3:56pm

It’s not that I was quitting for the wrong reasons (and likely neither are you), but I discovered along the way that I had been putting all my efforts into forging romantic connections with others in lieu of building a long-term relationship with myself.

It’s hard for a partnership to grow and thrive if the house inside the heart hasn’t yet been built.

I went through years of dysfunctional relationships

Apr 19, 2021 at 4:32pm

Perhaps these internet dating sites may help a few people - hope so; but what got it real for me was; i went onto the UniverseNet and the ((___________ use whatever anthropomorphic word us mortals come up with for the Creator)) send me my sweetie and we've been together almost 25 years. Its been a real blessing. Hey we are humans and we've had to work through a bit of human issues, but we've never had a fight. Walk good Sisters and Brosthers ... OCM Sto:lo Coast Salish salutations


Apr 19, 2021 at 5:19pm

To stay together both parties have to want it.

You keep trying out different experiences, hoping to find the "best" one that eventually you will come to understand might turn out to be a long lost relationship.


Apr 19, 2021 at 6:12pm

Lot less rage in my first good relationship

Sounds painful

Apr 19, 2021 at 6:25pm

From what I see online, unsuccessfully and bitterly. Short term serial dating is like a shallow sport. Committed relationships, where you see the other person is a full human being to cherish, value, respect, honour, protect, grow with and support their growth, take humility, vulnerability, empathy, compassion and presence. They feel good. If you're raging and quitting frequently, one or both of you, might be getting in for the wrong reasons. Recently met some desperate people looking for dates, lays, anything to not be alone with their thoughts, and am eternally grateful for the opportunity to observe today's "casting" behaviour. Different world dating is nowadays. It is sport and performative. Things that don't belong where the heart is concerned. I think if you know who you are, what you want, your relationships won't create despair inside you, you'll both want to make it work. It will feel in tune with your spirit and not forced for external reasons or validation.

Random Tidbits

Apr 19, 2021 at 6:48pm

For better or for worse the longer you are together the more alike you become.
My wife and I have been together for 15 years. At the beginning we broke up quite a few times. We spent 2 years long distance and that was very difficult. At a time like that you have to look at the relationship problems and remember they are the result of the circumstances and not the people.
My wife also makes far more money than me. For some reason it seems that couples where the guy makes more money seem to break up more than the inverse.

Never satisfied

Apr 19, 2021 at 7:11pm

I believe that one of the biggest impediments to finding a long term relationship for many people, is the “grass is always greener” thought process. So many people believe that something better is just around the corner, and because of that, they have zero patience or tolerance for anyone or or anything that isn’t immediately perfect. Definitely there’s some things that you shouldn’t ever tolerate in any relationship, but if you’re always looking for something perfect, you’re very likely to miss something pretty dammed good that’s right in front of you.

@ Never satisfied

Apr 20, 2021 at 8:50am

The grass is always greener, the grass is always just as green, and the grass is always less green some place else. Personally, I think if you cannot be satisfied with yourself and on your own, you're not really going to be satisfied being with anyone else for long.

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